tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26990428852553467692024-03-05T04:08:49.075-07:00Good GriefNoelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13714541394769902623noreply@blogger.comBlogger288125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2699042885255346769.post-29795375701201624552020-04-15T20:36:00.000-06:002020-04-15T20:36:53.647-06:00Adventures in Lost<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<o:p> </o:p>Today Ellie was supposed to graduate with her Masters of Science in Nursing. After she passes her boards she will be an Adult/Geriatric Acute Care Nurse Practitioner. But it was cancelled.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
I was reflecting on all of the losses that we’re all experiencing. There are so many. Not only the loss of life. That’s a story for another time. I’m talking about <i>all</i> of the losses. The high school wrestler trying to be a four time state champ. The college senior excited about her last time to get to play softball at this level of competition. The underprivileged basketball star whose coach had lined up scouts to come watch him play so that he’d have a shot at going to college. Prom. Yearbook signing. Kindergarten spring play. MLB Baseball. Even the funerals for those who have died during this terrible time.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
I’m reminded of my favorite story of my nephew, Bridger. My sister and her husband were out of town and my parents were taking care of Bridger, about 4, and Caid, about 2. They had gotten happy meals at McDonalds that day, and the toy that came with it was a really awesome Star Wars Storm Trooper. Bridger was so proud of it, he came in and showed my husband Sawan and me, who happened to be at my folk’s house. We oohed and ahhed. It was bedtime, so the kiddos started the bedtime routine, and fifteen minutes later, Bridger was completely distraught because he couldn’t find the Storm Trooper. So we formed a search party. Mom and Dad took the upstairs, Sawan and I took the downstairs. We moved couch cushions, we looked under furniture, we tried to think of what a four year old could have possibly done with the toy in the last 15 minutes, but we didn’t find it. Finally, my dad took a knee in front of the crying Bridger and tried to get him to retrace his steps. He said, “Ok. So, you had it when you came in from the car.” Bridger nods. “Then you showed it to Noey and Sawan.” Bridger nods. “Then you went upstairs with it?” Bridger nods. Dad says, “Do you think you know what you did with it after that?” Bridger nods in the affirmative again. We all breathe a collective sigh of relief. Why hadn’t we started with this tactic? “Oh! Well, what do you think you did with it?” In a loud sob he cried, “I think I LOST it!” It was so cute and heartbreaking and hilarious all at one time. Sawan was so tickled. When I try to remember the sound of Sawan’s laughter, I go to this memory for it.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
When I recounted this story to Bridger’s mom, though, she didn’t think it was as funny as I did. She explained to me that Bridger thought that <i>Lost</i> was an actual place. It’s something he said all the time. “Where is it Bridger?” “Mom, I told you, it’s Lost.” </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
When people talk about loss and death and grief and people dying, everyone has different language that they prefer. I know lots of widows that hate it when people refer to their husband as “lost.” “He was not a set of keys,” says one of my widow friends of her husband. My personal distaste is for the term “passed.” Because to me, I think that he was not gas. My dead husband was not a fart. So I say that I lost him. I like to think of him going to Bridger’s place. To Lost, where all of our favorite needed or loved things go. He’s there, hanging out with Bridger’s Storm Trooper.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
But, I thought about this Lost place for the first time in a long time today. Maybe Lost is a place for experiences, too? Maybe all of those losses that we’re experiencing here are being enjoyed by those that we’ve Lost. Maybe Sawan and his homies got to watch this year’s Opening Day. Maybe he’s getting to watch cutie pies in plays and awesome softball games and triumphant wrestling matches and come from behind wins. Maybe he’s getting to cheer rights of passage and comfort the grieving. And maybe, just maybe, he’s getting to watch Ellie cross the platform, and he’s standing up and doing that whistle thing with his fingers really loud. ‘Cuz I know he would if this all were true.</div>
Noelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13714541394769902623noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2699042885255346769.post-56581091269559266612018-04-12T20:27:00.001-06:002018-04-12T20:27:29.653-06:00Crazy Health Stuff- Update 5<div class="MsoNormal">
I’ve been meaning to post an update for a while now.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
For those of you just tuning in, my crazy journey began
about two years ago with pretty serious unexplained weight gain (I’ve gained
more than 50 lbs.), along with several other health things, like I was exhausted all the time. This led me to see a
doctor, then I was referred to a specialist, then I had some major health
insurance woes, then I was diagnosed with a non-cancerous pituitary tumor, then
I finally got the right insurance that took affect in January of this year.
I’ve done multiple rounds of tests over the last two years that make them think
that I have something called Cushing’s Disease, an endocrine disorder that
means that my body is producing too much Cortisol. Cortisol is responsible for
fight or flight—so my body constantly stores any calorie as fat because it’s
afraid I’m going to starve, and also I’m always exhausted because I’m
constantly revved up like I’m in flight mode. It also includes things like body acne. It's really a treat, let me tell you.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Here’s the latest:</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Last time I reported that the doctor needed me to stop taking one
medication and then re-take a urine test. It came back with the same results
that I had while on the meds, indicating that the issue has nothing to do with
said medication.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When my doctor called to give me those results she told me
that they would schedule the more invasive test, and that I had been the topic
of discussion at their monthly conference. Apparently, the whole group of
specialists and surgeons and everyone involved in the pituitary clinic at the
hospital get together and talk about the crazy cases once a month. I have it on
good authority that for me to be their topic apparently means I’m famous.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I will happily sign autographs.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgdMjBC5A2GdxCxhekFS0vi57hKKHfuxuawX5GOnovIS5IgWgczpOftW2kq9C-HJzbNAnBzZ6CWzxxI2plcz01mH8MW6DXh0B4vfcIvDOfFYEu4I6jziOJ2JvcNkQGjujTUwGhmiNTjTg/s1600/IMG_0880.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1203" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgdMjBC5A2GdxCxhekFS0vi57hKKHfuxuawX5GOnovIS5IgWgczpOftW2kq9C-HJzbNAnBzZ6CWzxxI2plcz01mH8MW6DXh0B4vfcIvDOfFYEu4I6jziOJ2JvcNkQGjujTUwGhmiNTjTg/s320/IMG_0880.jpg" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I'm excited to go get my head examined!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It took a few weeks to get the test scheduled, and I finally
had my test on Wednesday, which was yesterday. It took pretty much all day. Here’s
how I understand that it works: They sedated me, and then inserted a catheter
into my veins and took fluids from around the tumor site. Then, they injected something
else in the pituitary gland (in my brain, where the tumor is) and took more
fluids. This will tell them for sure if the pituitary tumor is causing all of
the cortisol issues in my body, or if there is some anomaly elsewhere. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The doctor performing the test was this cute old man in his late 60’s, and he
looked like the dad in “Bread and Jam for Francis,” which was one of my
favorite children’s books about a family of badgers. As usual, the doctor told
me after the test that I had “weird anatomy” in my brain. I’m always the rare
case that they’re like, “He-ey, I’ve never <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">SEEN</i>
this before! Do you mind if I get my med student/colleague/mother-in-law in
here to take a look at this?” I guess there’s one part that usually only takes
seven minutes and it took him 32. The whole test part took about two-ish hours
and then I had to be in recovery for four-ish hours. I had to have a
“responsible adult” pick me up, so Ellie was my hero as usual. I think that
they asked her things like, “Do you have a good job? Do you pay your taxes?
Have you kept your dog alive? Do you make your bed?” and stuff like that to
make sure she is responsible. It’s a good thing Ellie was there because I was
pretty out of it. I don’t remember much of recovery or of the rest of the
afternoon. The only part that I really remember is asking Dr. Francis’ Dad if I
could see what it looked like inside my brain, and he texted me photos. It’s
pretty cool.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxorVPYngOIW4Fw5tgUzbIYtYWSw_dHt7AmPCO6TwyIHFooC56OyDmXS7HMLp2XqdzTO42RRZc2Nimx35HchbCG7CZ4rU5PvWpD5FSFUDp7R2zZ-u_FtvdnQQKYIJ4GIkoODTPqRD0PA/s1600/IMG_2426.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="768" data-original-width="1024" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxorVPYngOIW4Fw5tgUzbIYtYWSw_dHt7AmPCO6TwyIHFooC56OyDmXS7HMLp2XqdzTO42RRZc2Nimx35HchbCG7CZ4rU5PvWpD5FSFUDp7R2zZ-u_FtvdnQQKYIJ4GIkoODTPqRD0PA/s320/IMG_2426.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Inside my brain from the side (that's my cartilage piercing in my right ear that you see in the photo). </td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiDYIJU-HNjngoO4FPHBlPl5kDYeebEXOZi7yIRvAp1YxtiZpsWva2rkDH8wz8VPaLWndtqM36R5veo5PcqmaWepP-_5i6e06n165PATPmiRuo9NfmDziENLwQyAg5Md83ad0WPkS_7mg/s1600/IMG_2425.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="768" data-original-width="1024" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiDYIJU-HNjngoO4FPHBlPl5kDYeebEXOZi7yIRvAp1YxtiZpsWva2rkDH8wz8VPaLWndtqM36R5veo5PcqmaWepP-_5i6e06n165PATPmiRuo9NfmDziENLwQyAg5Md83ad0WPkS_7mg/s320/IMG_2425.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Inside my brain from the center. My nostrils look like eyes on a scary moth creature.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’m pretty sore today, and I have a crazy headache. But, I
have headaches all the time so there’s no telling if this is from the test or
just a stupid headache. My guts do feel a little bit like someone tried to drive
something up to my brain via my veins.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Mostly I’m just stoked to finally be close to getting some
real answers. I’ll keep you posted!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijO5V7L6TjEonJHaarDMXkl07qJYkPpV4Gv2l2BkvVWhe9L9UXWEdZMfEGwjamCbTGIO7Y0Ml-AOVdYtriPsRJMpFLABUQQGAumoCM20VkLb2Wr11pU5czyTuNEcpMfq0ykFxtMYeZ1w/s1600/000929i1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="793" data-original-width="600" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijO5V7L6TjEonJHaarDMXkl07qJYkPpV4Gv2l2BkvVWhe9L9UXWEdZMfEGwjamCbTGIO7Y0Ml-AOVdYtriPsRJMpFLABUQQGAumoCM20VkLb2Wr11pU5czyTuNEcpMfq0ykFxtMYeZ1w/s320/000929i1.jpg" width="242" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Father, in "Bread and Jam for Francis"</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
Noelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13714541394769902623noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2699042885255346769.post-41627289982001353772018-02-16T12:24:00.000-07:002018-02-16T16:50:41.209-07:00Crazy Health Stuff- Update 4<div class="MsoNormal">
Yesterday afternoon my fabulous mama hung out with me at the
doctor’s office. All. After. Noon.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I had an appointment with one of the pituitary specialists
in the clinic that I went to in early January. Since that appointment in
January I have done two rounds of the three types of cortisol tests, not
because it would have been necessary to do two sets, but because the orders
were wrong on the first set. Lucky me.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
After the last appointment I was super discouraged, because
I felt like they were telling me that I probably didn’t have Cushing’s, and it
really occurred to me for the first time that it was possible that they weren’t
going to be able to figure it out and fix me. That I may just have to live like
this for the rest of my life.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Yesterday the pituitary specialist seemed to think that
Cushing’s is still the best possibility for what I have. She told me I looked
“cushionoid.” Which is, I think, a real word.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So, even if this requires surgery, which still completely
freaks me out, it at least feels good that they have a clue.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Next steps mean that I have to quit one of my medications
for two weeks because they’re just a little afraid that it’s affecting the
cortisol levels, and then redo one of the tests. If that comes back with consistent
results to the previous tests, then they will do one more test before surgery.
They’ll go in to the area around the tumor sight, and take fluids from there.
As I understand it, if those show high cortisol, then they will do surgery.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So, that’s the skinny. At this point I don’t even know how
to feel. I think I feel cautiously optimistic, even if I panic when I think about surgery. I think it feels good to know
that they have a clue about what’s wrong with me.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<o:DocumentProperties>
<o:Template>Normal.dotm</o:Template>
<o:Revision>0</o:Revision>
<o:TotalTime>0</o:TotalTime>
<o:Pages>1</o:Pages>
<o:Words>294</o:Words>
<o:Characters>1681</o:Characters>
<o:Company>noel hair studio LTD</o:Company>
<o:Lines>14</o:Lines>
<o:Paragraphs>3</o:Paragraphs>
<o:CharactersWithSpaces>2064</o:CharactersWithSpaces>
<o:Version>12.0</o:Version>
</o:DocumentProperties>
<o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
<o:AllowPNG/>
</o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:WordDocument>
<w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom>
<w:TrackMoves>false</w:TrackMoves>
<w:TrackFormatting/>
<w:PunctuationKerning/>
<w:DrawingGridHorizontalSpacing>18 pt</w:DrawingGridHorizontalSpacing>
<w:DrawingGridVerticalSpacing>18 pt</w:DrawingGridVerticalSpacing>
<w:DisplayHorizontalDrawingGridEvery>0</w:DisplayHorizontalDrawingGridEvery>
<w:DisplayVerticalDrawingGridEvery>0</w:DisplayVerticalDrawingGridEvery>
<w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/>
<w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>
<w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent>
<w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>
<w:Compatibility>
<w:BreakWrappedTables/>
<w:DontGrowAutofit/>
<w:DontAutofitConstrainedTables/>
<w:DontVertAlignInTxbx/>
</w:Compatibility>
</w:WordDocument>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" LatentStyleCount="276">
</w:LatentStyles>
</xml><![endif]-->
<!--[if gte mso 10]>
<style>
/* Style Definitions */
table.MsoNormalTable
{mso-style-name:"Table Normal";
mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0;
mso-tstyle-colband-size:0;
mso-style-noshow:yes;
mso-style-parent:"";
mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt;
mso-para-margin:0in;
mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:12.0pt;
font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-ascii-font-family:Cambria;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;
mso-hansi-font-family:Cambria;
mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;}
</style>
<![endif]-->
<!--StartFragment-->
<!--EndFragment--><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’ve spent quite a bit of time at LabCorp for these tests.
On Valentine’s Day, I went in early to have my blood drawn, and I ran into this
guy. He had a seriously awesome mullet, and when he took his jacket off to
reveal a cut-off t-shirt and suspenders, I thought I should maybe ask him out.
I settled for taking a selfie with him in the background.</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhiBZDtarTKmnSj9N1OOUTsCewcjTjc8JM7VxAZvtTyX1P2I0HkrR1zPUNt82XlNzqmnycu8Y_n7vPyO2YmjxGQ_48kOeMAhquMIgngU6FD49qPQyWBgK5YFUF9MFB3gH2c8SxapIUnjA/s1600/IMG_0632.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1600" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhiBZDtarTKmnSj9N1OOUTsCewcjTjc8JM7VxAZvtTyX1P2I0HkrR1zPUNt82XlNzqmnycu8Y_n7vPyO2YmjxGQ_48kOeMAhquMIgngU6FD49qPQyWBgK5YFUF9MFB3gH2c8SxapIUnjA/s320/IMG_0632.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
Noelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13714541394769902623noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2699042885255346769.post-62324387236638492802018-01-16T11:26:00.000-07:002018-01-16T11:40:28.945-07:00Health Saga Update- Number 3<div class="MsoNormal">
I had my doctor’s appointment last week. I have such mixed
feelings about it that I didn’t feel like I was ready to write about it.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Here’s what happened:</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When the appointment began, I gave the doc a brief history and
then told him the place I was at with the last endocrinologist (she thought I
was ready to see a neurosurgeon). He said, “I don’t think we’re there yet.”
When he looked at my test results they looked too normal to him. And, I think
because he was trying to encourage me, he told me some horror stories about the
surgery. It didn’t quite have the affect that he was hoping for, though,
because I think that surgery is still really likely in the future, now I’m just
completely freaked out about it instead of not scared at all. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I feel like I’m painting him as a monster, and he wasn’t. He
was actually nice and compassionate, and I liked him. He just didn’t tell me
what I wanted to hear. He also said that he would like me to see one of the
more experienced doctors in his clinic (two of the doctors there are
world-renowned), and that he wanted to run the tests again. So I spent another
day sitting at home, keeping my pee in the fridge (for the fourth time in a
year). I wonder how many more times I have to do that, because, gross. I turned
in the “specimen” along with a saliva test yesterday, and am doing the blood
test this week. I should have the results in a week or two at the latest.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I asked him what else it could be if it wasn’t Cushing’s
Disease. He offered some suggestions, but, (at least what I heard him say was)
that sometimes depression can look like this, and had I been depressed?
“Actually, no.” I said. Then he told me that it’s a lot harder to take weight
off then it is to put weight on. That was when I started to lose my mind. I
understand that he would think that. I know that I used to judge people that
looked like me all the time. I just didn’t understand what they could be going
through. So, while I felt compassion for them, I think that in the back of my
mind I thought they were lazy and undisciplined. If they would work out and eat
right, it would get better. So, I told him that. I told him that I knew that I
would always struggle with my weight because I was genetically inclined to be
overweight. But, most of this weight was put on with me eating 1200-1300
calories a day (and I could have shown him my food journal) and working out
five days a week. I think he believed me, but that had pretty much exhausted
his ideas for what was wrong with me, so it feels like a step back, since I
have no answers and before I felt like I did (the answer was: You have Cushing’s.
You need surgery.)</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The plan moving forward is to see what the results of this
round of tests are, and then he and the other doctors in the practice will talk
about it and then get me scheduled for an appointment with one of the more
senior doctors. So, I’m overall really discouraged, but I do feel like I’m
finally at the right place so that moving forward I will actually see some
progress.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I feel like I should also give a shout-out to Ellie, who
came with me to the appointment even though she had food poisoning and was
trying not to puke the whole time (she made it!). I’m so very lucky to have
such amazing support.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<o:DocumentProperties>
<o:Template>Normal.dotm</o:Template>
<o:Revision>0</o:Revision>
<o:TotalTime>0</o:TotalTime>
<o:Pages>1</o:Pages>
<o:Words>33</o:Words>
<o:Characters>191</o:Characters>
<o:Company>noel hair studio LTD</o:Company>
<o:Lines>1</o:Lines>
<o:Paragraphs>1</o:Paragraphs>
<o:CharactersWithSpaces>234</o:CharactersWithSpaces>
<o:Version>12.0</o:Version>
</o:DocumentProperties>
<o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
<o:AllowPNG/>
</o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:WordDocument>
<w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom>
<w:TrackMoves>false</w:TrackMoves>
<w:TrackFormatting/>
<w:PunctuationKerning/>
<w:DrawingGridHorizontalSpacing>18 pt</w:DrawingGridHorizontalSpacing>
<w:DrawingGridVerticalSpacing>18 pt</w:DrawingGridVerticalSpacing>
<w:DisplayHorizontalDrawingGridEvery>0</w:DisplayHorizontalDrawingGridEvery>
<w:DisplayVerticalDrawingGridEvery>0</w:DisplayVerticalDrawingGridEvery>
<w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/>
<w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>
<w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent>
<w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>
<w:Compatibility>
<w:BreakWrappedTables/>
<w:DontGrowAutofit/>
<w:DontAutofitConstrainedTables/>
<w:DontVertAlignInTxbx/>
</w:Compatibility>
</w:WordDocument>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" LatentStyleCount="276">
</w:LatentStyles>
</xml><![endif]-->
<!--[if gte mso 10]>
<style>
/* Style Definitions */
table.MsoNormalTable
{mso-style-name:"Table Normal";
mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0;
mso-tstyle-colband-size:0;
mso-style-noshow:yes;
mso-style-parent:"";
mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt;
mso-para-margin:0in;
mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:12.0pt;
font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-ascii-font-family:Cambria;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;
mso-hansi-font-family:Cambria;
mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;}
</style>
<![endif]-->
<!--StartFragment-->
<!--EndFragment--></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Sorry, that was a lot of words to say that nothing happened.
But that’s the scoop and I’ll keep you posted.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<o:DocumentProperties>
<o:Template>Normal.dotm</o:Template>
<o:Revision>0</o:Revision>
<o:TotalTime>0</o:TotalTime>
<o:Pages>1</o:Pages>
<o:Words>486</o:Words>
<o:Characters>2775</o:Characters>
<o:Company>noel hair studio LTD</o:Company>
<o:Lines>23</o:Lines>
<o:Paragraphs>5</o:Paragraphs>
<o:CharactersWithSpaces>3407</o:CharactersWithSpaces>
<o:Version>12.0</o:Version>
</o:DocumentProperties>
<o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
<o:AllowPNG/>
</o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:WordDocument>
<w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom>
<w:TrackMoves>false</w:TrackMoves>
<w:TrackFormatting/>
<w:PunctuationKerning/>
<w:DrawingGridHorizontalSpacing>18 pt</w:DrawingGridHorizontalSpacing>
<w:DrawingGridVerticalSpacing>18 pt</w:DrawingGridVerticalSpacing>
<w:DisplayHorizontalDrawingGridEvery>0</w:DisplayHorizontalDrawingGridEvery>
<w:DisplayVerticalDrawingGridEvery>0</w:DisplayVerticalDrawingGridEvery>
<w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/>
<w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>
<w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent>
<w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>
<w:Compatibility>
<w:BreakWrappedTables/>
<w:DontGrowAutofit/>
<w:DontAutofitConstrainedTables/>
<w:DontVertAlignInTxbx/>
</w:Compatibility>
</w:WordDocument>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" LatentStyleCount="276">
</w:LatentStyles>
</xml><![endif]-->
<!--[if gte mso 10]>
<style>
/* Style Definitions */
table.MsoNormalTable
{mso-style-name:"Table Normal";
mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0;
mso-tstyle-colband-size:0;
mso-style-noshow:yes;
mso-style-parent:"";
mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt;
mso-para-margin:0in;
mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:12.0pt;
font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-ascii-font-family:Cambria;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;
mso-hansi-font-family:Cambria;
mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;}
</style>
<![endif]-->
<!--StartFragment-->
<!--EndFragment--><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
Also, I’m starting back at school on Friday. When I was
planning for a surgery I decided that I would only take one class, and it’s
Comp. So maybe I’ll have some fun writing samples to post on here. Love to all
of you!</div>
Noelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13714541394769902623noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2699042885255346769.post-45414863546238888402018-01-08T22:27:00.001-07:002018-01-08T22:27:08.449-07:00Health Saga Update- Number 2<div class="MsoNormal">
There has been so little movement on my health stuff since
October that I haven’t bothered to update here. I still have very little to
add, but thought I’d at least let you guys know that I haven’t fallen off the
face of the earth.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<o:DocumentProperties>
<o:Template>Normal.dotm</o:Template>
<o:Revision>0</o:Revision>
<o:TotalTime>0</o:TotalTime>
<o:Pages>1</o:Pages>
<o:Words>120</o:Words>
<o:Characters>687</o:Characters>
<o:Company>noel hair studio LTD</o:Company>
<o:Lines>5</o:Lines>
<o:Paragraphs>1</o:Paragraphs>
<o:CharactersWithSpaces>843</o:CharactersWithSpaces>
<o:Version>12.0</o:Version>
</o:DocumentProperties>
<o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
<o:AllowPNG/>
</o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:WordDocument>
<w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom>
<w:TrackMoves>false</w:TrackMoves>
<w:TrackFormatting/>
<w:PunctuationKerning/>
<w:DrawingGridHorizontalSpacing>18 pt</w:DrawingGridHorizontalSpacing>
<w:DrawingGridVerticalSpacing>18 pt</w:DrawingGridVerticalSpacing>
<w:DisplayHorizontalDrawingGridEvery>0</w:DisplayHorizontalDrawingGridEvery>
<w:DisplayVerticalDrawingGridEvery>0</w:DisplayVerticalDrawingGridEvery>
<w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/>
<w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>
<w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent>
<w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>
<w:Compatibility>
<w:BreakWrappedTables/>
<w:DontGrowAutofit/>
<w:DontAutofitConstrainedTables/>
<w:DontVertAlignInTxbx/>
</w:Compatibility>
</w:WordDocument>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" LatentStyleCount="276">
</w:LatentStyles>
</xml><![endif]-->
<!--[if gte mso 10]>
<style>
/* Style Definitions */
table.MsoNormalTable
{mso-style-name:"Table Normal";
mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0;
mso-tstyle-colband-size:0;
mso-style-noshow:yes;
mso-style-parent:"";
mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt;
mso-para-margin:0in;
mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:12.0pt;
font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-ascii-font-family:Cambria;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;
mso-hansi-font-family:Cambria;
mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;}
</style>
<![endif]-->
<!--StartFragment-->
<span style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">I was supposed to go see a
neurosurgeon last October, but between the surgeon and my insurance I couldn’t
get an appointment and I honestly didn’t try that hard. I knew my insurance
would change in 2018 and that I would want to see a surgeon from the new
clinic. I finally have an appointment on Wednesday at the endocrinology clinic
that I tried for months to go to, and they’re in network with my new insurance
plan, so hopefully things will get a lot easier. It still feels like I’m going
back a step, but now whatever they recommend should actually be feasible under
the new plan. Fingers crossed!</span><!--EndFragment-->Noelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13714541394769902623noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2699042885255346769.post-11621527026667960362017-10-16T11:26:00.002-06:002017-10-16T11:26:37.477-06:00Health Saga Update--number one<div class="MsoNormal">
I know I’m posting an update on the same day that I put up
the original post, but I had written it a week ago and forgot to put it up. It
was easier to just do it this way rather than edit. Sorry about it.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I got the results of the last saliva tests. The way it works
is I have to put this thing in my mouth between 11 and midnight two nights in a
row, keep them in the fridge, and then turn them into the lab.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
One of the samples tested at the very highest point of
normal, and the other one tested in the not-normal range.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Woo. Hoo.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
That was enough for the endocrinologist to recommend going
to a neurosurgeon. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<o:DocumentProperties>
<o:Template>Normal.dotm</o:Template>
<o:Revision>0</o:Revision>
<o:TotalTime>0</o:TotalTime>
<o:Pages>1</o:Pages>
<o:Words>126</o:Words>
<o:Characters>719</o:Characters>
<o:Company>noel hair studio LTD</o:Company>
<o:Lines>5</o:Lines>
<o:Paragraphs>1</o:Paragraphs>
<o:CharactersWithSpaces>882</o:CharactersWithSpaces>
<o:Version>12.0</o:Version>
</o:DocumentProperties>
<o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
<o:AllowPNG/>
</o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:WordDocument>
<w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom>
<w:TrackMoves>false</w:TrackMoves>
<w:TrackFormatting/>
<w:PunctuationKerning/>
<w:DrawingGridHorizontalSpacing>18 pt</w:DrawingGridHorizontalSpacing>
<w:DrawingGridVerticalSpacing>18 pt</w:DrawingGridVerticalSpacing>
<w:DisplayHorizontalDrawingGridEvery>0</w:DisplayHorizontalDrawingGridEvery>
<w:DisplayVerticalDrawingGridEvery>0</w:DisplayVerticalDrawingGridEvery>
<w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/>
<w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>
<w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent>
<w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>
<w:Compatibility>
<w:BreakWrappedTables/>
<w:DontGrowAutofit/>
<w:DontAutofitConstrainedTables/>
<w:DontVertAlignInTxbx/>
</w:Compatibility>
</w:WordDocument>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" LatentStyleCount="276">
</w:LatentStyles>
</xml><![endif]-->
<style>
<!--
/* Font Definitions */
@font-face
{font-family:Cambria;
panose-1:2 4 5 3 5 4 6 3 2 4;
mso-font-charset:0;
mso-generic-font-family:auto;
mso-font-pitch:variable;
mso-font-signature:3 0 0 0 1 0;}
/* Style Definitions */
p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal
{mso-style-parent:"";
margin:0in;
margin-bottom:.0001pt;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:12.0pt;
font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-ascii-font-family:Cambria;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-fareast-font-family:Cambria;
mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-hansi-font-family:Cambria;
mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi;}
@page Section1
{size:8.5in 11.0in;
margin:1.0in 1.25in 1.0in 1.25in;
mso-header-margin:.5in;
mso-footer-margin:.5in;
mso-paper-source:0;}
div.Section1
{page:Section1;}
-->
</style>
<!--[if gte mso 10]>
<style>
/* Style Definitions */
table.MsoNormalTable
{mso-style-name:"Table Normal";
mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0;
mso-tstyle-colband-size:0;
mso-style-noshow:yes;
mso-style-parent:"";
mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt;
mso-para-margin:0in;
mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:12.0pt;
font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-ascii-font-family:Cambria;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;
mso-hansi-font-family:Cambria;
mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;}
</style>
<![endif]-->
<!--StartFragment-->
<!--EndFragment--><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’m stoked. I know that it seems strange to be rooting for
bad test results so that I can have brain surgery. The thing is, it means that
they have a clue about what’s wrong with me and we can make a plan. After a
year and a half, that’s excellent news.</div>
Noelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13714541394769902623noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2699042885255346769.post-4114122515016942412017-10-16T11:09:00.002-06:002017-10-16T12:25:45.077-06:00My Health Saga<div class="MsoNormal">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<br />
I’ve been meaning to write this post for a while. I’ve got
some crazy health stuff going on and so many of my people have wanted to be
updated. I thought that I could maybe just post updates on here and then it
would reach everyone at once.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’ll start at the beginning. It’s long, so if you know this
part or don’t want the details feel free to skip around…</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In March of 2016 I hurt my back at Orange Theory. It felt
like it always felt when I would “throw my back out,” but this time I kept not
getting better. Finally, at the beginning of June 2016, I went to a doctor. He
told me that I had actually torn the ligament that connects my hip to my spine.
He was hoping to avoid surgery, so he prescribed physical therapy and a three-week
course of prednisone (steroids). I am one of those lucky (insert sarcasm)
people that, as soon as I even <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">think</i>
about skipping a workout, I gain a pound or two. I continued eating pretty
healthy, but I was gaining weight like it was my job. To put it in perspective,
I <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">gained</i> 7 lbs. the month that I did
the Whole 30 (like paleo, but less fun and more intense, and people usually
lose 10-ish pounds when they do it). I was finally cleared to get back to
working out in September. I was so stoked, because I was thinking that it would
take time, but I should start to see a downward trend on the scale.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Except I didn’t. I kept gaining at the same rate. In October
I went back to the doc. She ran a few tests, and one of them came back with
results that looked like Cushing’s disease. It’s a super hard to diagnose,
super rare endocrine problem that is sometimes brought on by steroids,
sometimes brought on by a tumor either on the adrenal glands or the pituitary
gland. It has to do with out-of-whack cortisol levels, which is your “fight or
flight” mechanism. Symptoms include weight gain in a particular pattern (mostly
in the belly, with skinny arms and legs, but a round face and a “buffalo hump”
on the shoulders), headaches, adrenal fatigue, and body acne, so basically it’s
just a whole lot of fun. I was referred to an endocrinologist, who explained to
me that it takes time to diagnose, because the tests have to be judged against
each other, basically. So we would have to run tests, wait a bit, and run more.
Then, my insurance company said that even though they had originally said they
were, these doctors weren’t in-network, so they weren’t going to pay for them.
That meant I had to start with new doctors. By the time I finally got to see an
in-network endocrinologist, it was the beginning of May 2017.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The new doc, which I actually liked better than the other
one, told me that there was no way that this could be steroid induced, as the
last endocrinologist had suspected, because my last dose was in August 2016 and
my cortisol levels would have started to improve immediately. That left tumor caused.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In June I had an MRI. Let me just take a minute here to
thank Jesus for Valium. MRI’s were discovered, I think, to use in place of
being drawn and quartered. So, I got to get tortured for about an hour and pay
almost a thousand dollars for it. FUN! Back to the story, though, when the
results came back they had found a small adenoma (tumor) on my pituitary gland
(in my brain). I heard brain tumor and did a minor freak out, until I realized
that it was non-cancerous and I also remembered that I was widowed at 30 and
survived so I’m basically resilient.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The kind of tumor that it is occurs normally in 10% of the population,
so they needed to run a few more tests to make sure that it was Cushing’s
disease before they would recommend surgery, the only cure for Cushing’s.
If it isn’t causing Cushing’s it can just stay in there, because in most people
an adenoma like mine is totally harmless and it’s not a good idea to cut into
my brains if it’s not absolutely necessary. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
There are 3 types of tests for Cushing’s (blood, urine and
saliva), and I needed two out of three to come back with abnormal numbers. The
blood numbers are always abnormal, so that was good (I guess?). We did another
round of urine and saliva tests. That’s a treat let me tell you. This might be over
sharing, but the urine one requires keeping all of my pee for 24 hours. In the
fridge. Gross. In the end, the results on one were totally normal and the other
weren’t normal, but weren’t abnormal enough. The endocrinologist told me that my
case was basically too crazy and she didn’t know how to treat me. So, I could
do one of two things. I could wait a couple of months and then we could run the
tests again, or I could go to a research facility. I didn’t want to wait. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
At that point it was July, and I started trying to get my
insurance to cover a research facility/specialty clinic. Trying to get the
clinic and Cigna, my insurance, to cooperate with each other required being on
the phone with one or the other of them daily, sometimes both, from July until the last
week of September. After all that, Cigna’s decision was that they wouldn’t cover an out of
network doctor because they had people in network that could treat me. (Really?
Cuz the in-network doctor said she <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">couldn’t</i>
treat me.)</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I did a number of things. I cried and threw a fit. I filed a
complaint with the insurance commission. I went back to my in-network
endocrinologist to formulate a plan.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
She told me that I should just wait for open enrollment and
start with a new insurance company for next year. I am going to do that, even
though it infuriates me because it means that those f*ck3rs at Cigna win. She also
ran another set of tests, now that it’s been a couple of months (that was her
plan B back in July). I’m still waiting on results.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And that brings us up to date. It’s frustrating. It’s time
consuming. It makes me feel impotent. And, I already don’t feel good. I’m
exhausted all the time, and I feel fat (at this point I’ve gained about 45 lbs
total, which is more than 1/3 again what I weighed back in March of 2016 when
this whole thing started), and I always have a headache. I’m pretty sick of it
and just want to get better. There are things I want to do, like go out at
night with my friends (with adrenal fatigue, I'm always too tired). Like put on my socks (it’s hard with all this extra
weight in the way!). I don’t give up. We’re gonna get this thing figured out.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj3ng9Wr8_v_nw7uZV4bh3eckYr7sEcrgciUfn0gqyrLC-kSQxT6YN8DAixj89yFe8aKpRlwj5_nN1FqGp_gvQ261NAWo1HUQvjv_wfkvEy9nfrY9p2XODMiQu8kwRJjADOUm-Nyeqs3g/s1600/12654161_10209046717234369_2210146547897782800_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="720" data-original-width="720" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj3ng9Wr8_v_nw7uZV4bh3eckYr7sEcrgciUfn0gqyrLC-kSQxT6YN8DAixj89yFe8aKpRlwj5_nN1FqGp_gvQ261NAWo1HUQvjv_wfkvEy9nfrY9p2XODMiQu8kwRJjADOUm-Nyeqs3g/s200/12654161_10209046717234369_2210146547897782800_n.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhK6hvwU4VIIMrPOneCc9j3xy2LDUyEBMTR1oam2D29UVabnALMp79fyIYiCI37qetrDZ6qaqG90uiZ1xn3zg-tRf4FPosysOeWNqPj-RYJmTcwMAImAP-pksQ8DeS6RXrMFC08We6HtQ/s1600/12742562_10153974790031155_3375908011841959006_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="720" data-original-width="960" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhK6hvwU4VIIMrPOneCc9j3xy2LDUyEBMTR1oam2D29UVabnALMp79fyIYiCI37qetrDZ6qaqG90uiZ1xn3zg-tRf4FPosysOeWNqPj-RYJmTcwMAImAP-pksQ8DeS6RXrMFC08We6HtQ/s200/12742562_10153974790031155_3375908011841959006_n.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Here's a visual. The above two were taken about a month before I hurt my back.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgA7BSjpXreJZ9RYE8v9Eja79PKbJlen2BfFI2iM24UGPuuJwQOr1o5AMjihDsDJjJ5p_AMjxLs5PO2__Sk6rONJvFTTfLJq0iFUs2AskbIFShRBYnG386PKO3rxF3sNoC4m3jCabvaiQ/s1600/19396602_10213927776617803_8828845082034376186_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="954" data-original-width="960" height="198" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgA7BSjpXreJZ9RYE8v9Eja79PKbJlen2BfFI2iM24UGPuuJwQOr1o5AMjihDsDJjJ5p_AMjxLs5PO2__Sk6rONJvFTTfLJq0iFUs2AskbIFShRBYnG386PKO3rxF3sNoC4m3jCabvaiQ/s200/19396602_10213927776617803_8828845082034376186_n.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This one was this summer. 40lbs. later.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
Noelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13714541394769902623noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2699042885255346769.post-75236426814433140752017-09-25T00:26:00.002-06:002017-09-25T00:26:20.416-06:00I think I've maybe dated all of the men in Denver.<div class="MsoNormal">
So, do you guys remember <a href="http://goodgriefayoungwidowsjourney.blogspot.com/2012/01/dating-confusion.html" target="_blank">that post from a million years ago</a> where I had gone out with that one guy from eHarmony? With most guys that I’ve gone out with once, I forget their actual names and in my mind I call them whatever attribute stood out the most. I called this guy The Short Guy. Before we went out he acted interested but wouldn’t actually call, he would only text. I mean, that’s pretty par for the course in 2017, but in 2012, it was still somewhat unusual and gauche. I remember being so frustrated that he wanted to text back and forth and when I told him that I didn’t think texting was an affective way to get to know someone, would he like to call me? He pretty much said, “no,” but still asked me out. Anyway, after we met (and I found out he was lying about how tall he was, among other things), he accidentally really liked me. I told him that I wasn’t interested. I was really nice about it. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Then, and I am not making this up, my phone texted him without my consent the next day. In my defense I will say that this was in my pre-iphone days. I don’t know what happened. I think my crappy phone randomly shut off, then when it powered back up it sent a text that must have been a partial from when we were texting back and forth. It was not even a complete thought or sentence. I can’t remember, but I think it was something like, “but then.” He texted back immediately to see if I had changed my mind "but then" wanted to go out. I had to say “no” again for the second time in 24 hours.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
That’s as much as I told you a few years ago, but there’s more to the story.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I think his name was Mark. Or Marc. Or something like that. It was a name that several people I know have. Six months later, even though I thought I had deleted his number, and had switched phones <i>and </i>phone companies, his number popped up when I tried to call one of the other dudes with his name. He immediately knew it was me, but it took me awhile to figure out that I had not actually reached my mortgage broker’s voicemail, as I had intended. Mark texted me right after the call, of course, and after I figured out who he was, he asked me out again. Poor guy. I mean, it was totally my fault, and I could see how it would be confusing, and probably felt like fate, but I wondered how many times I was going to have to turn him down. Because, about six months after that, we were both on a free dating website and he asked me out a fourth time. Again I had to say, “no thanks.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
At the time his status was something like, “single, never been married.” The other day, on a different website, something like six years after I went out with him, he showed up as, “divorced.” With a kid. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
This is no surprise. Because, my life is a movie and this is an excellent fluffy arc to add humor to the bigger story, whatever that ends up being. If they actually film it, I think someone like Danny DeVito should play his part. But, it’s official: I’ve dated all of the men in Denver and now I’m starting back at the beginning and cycling back through. I just hope I don’t end up going out with The Spitter again. Because, gross.</div>
Noelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13714541394769902623noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2699042885255346769.post-57673627622530620872017-08-24T00:33:00.000-06:002017-08-24T00:33:47.878-06:00Eight Years<div class="MsoNormal">
Eight. Years.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It feels like yesterday. And also like a different lifetime.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I still remember the way the light looked on the morning
that I kissed him goodbye, not knowing it was our last kiss. The sun had that
beautiful butterscotch hue to it as it flooded the kitchen of our little condo,
the rich color that only August sun has. I had on a too-big green give-away
t-shirt and still had my TMJ mouth guard in. He scolded me for being out of bed
early on my day off, but I wanted to make him coffee before he left for school.
It was so--ordinary.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I would be widowed by the time that lovely sun set. </div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
***</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I find myself reflecting on the last eight years. What lessons have these years taught me? Among other things, this:</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I learned how to grieve. Well, I know I’m still learning,
but I learned early on that grief is a relentless teacher that never really
takes a break, only changes, but can apparate back to it’s original form and
back again in the same moment. I learned to give myself grace about timelines
and linear “progress” and anything else that felt like expectation. I learned
to give grace to others; too, even if they had expectations for my grieving
that I could not meet.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Some of the
support I got was tremendous (saints, I tell you!). But, it’s also amazing to
me how few of the people in my current “inner circle” even knew me eight years
ago. It’s hard for me sometimes that they never even knew Sawan, this man that
changed me so fully and completely by his presence and then by his absence.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I learned that there are no guarantees. I was not promised a
husband that would live until we were old. I was not promised children. I was
not promised an easy life. (I was also not promised other marriage benefits--
like orgasms, or someone to do the “dude” things like changing the furnace
filters and taking out the trash and opening all the jars.) I was only promised
sufficient grace. You know, just enough grace to get by. Over the years I
recognized that so much of the time I enjoy not merely sufficient grace, but
rather an extravagance of grace.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I learned that life isn’t going to look like I thought it
would. It isn’t even going to look like I thought it would once I realized I
had to re-think life. I’m still learning to get over that and just live. I’m
learning to live like this is my one wild and precious life, and I won’t
squander it by merely surviving.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
***</div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
And where was I
before the day</div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
That I first saw your
lovely face?</div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
Now I see it every
day.</div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
And I know that I am
the luckiest.</div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
-Ben Folds from The
Luckiest (which was “our song”)</div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<o:DocumentProperties>
<o:Template>Normal.dotm</o:Template>
<o:Revision>0</o:Revision>
<o:TotalTime>0</o:TotalTime>
<o:Pages>1</o:Pages>
<o:Words>371</o:Words>
<o:Characters>2118</o:Characters>
<o:Company>noel hair studio LTD</o:Company>
<o:Lines>17</o:Lines>
<o:Paragraphs>4</o:Paragraphs>
<o:CharactersWithSpaces>2601</o:CharactersWithSpaces>
<o:Version>12.0</o:Version>
</o:DocumentProperties>
<o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
<o:AllowPNG/>
</o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:WordDocument>
<w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom>
<w:TrackMoves>false</w:TrackMoves>
<w:TrackFormatting/>
<w:PunctuationKerning/>
<w:DrawingGridHorizontalSpacing>18 pt</w:DrawingGridHorizontalSpacing>
<w:DrawingGridVerticalSpacing>18 pt</w:DrawingGridVerticalSpacing>
<w:DisplayHorizontalDrawingGridEvery>0</w:DisplayHorizontalDrawingGridEvery>
<w:DisplayVerticalDrawingGridEvery>0</w:DisplayVerticalDrawingGridEvery>
<w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/>
<w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>
<w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent>
<w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>
<w:Compatibility>
<w:BreakWrappedTables/>
<w:DontGrowAutofit/>
<w:DontAutofitConstrainedTables/>
<w:DontVertAlignInTxbx/>
</w:Compatibility>
</w:WordDocument>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" LatentStyleCount="276">
</w:LatentStyles>
</xml><![endif]-->
<!--[if gte mso 10]>
<style>
/* Style Definitions */
table.MsoNormalTable
{mso-style-name:"Table Normal";
mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0;
mso-tstyle-colband-size:0;
mso-style-noshow:yes;
mso-style-parent:"";
mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt;
mso-para-margin:0in;
mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:12.0pt;
font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-ascii-font-family:Cambria;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;
mso-hansi-font-family:Cambria;
mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;}
</style>
<![endif]-->
<!--StartFragment-->
<span style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">It was pretty great while
the luck held, Baby. I miss you every day.</span><!--EndFragment--></div>
Noelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13714541394769902623noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2699042885255346769.post-64886745350053897382016-07-30T00:55:00.000-06:002016-07-30T00:59:28.935-06:00Lonesome<div class="MsoNormal">
Today, in my “memories” on Facebook, where it shows all of
the posts you’ve ever had on this same date, from previous years, I had a
status from 2009, less than a month before my husband died. “I get ready for
work so much faster when there’s no one around to pester. It’s kinda lonesome, though.” Sawan was out of town, fishing with my
Dad, I think. He <i>was not</i> a morning person, and hated it when I woke him up as I was getting ready for work. So I of course woke him. Every day. If I had only known. Less than a month later I’d be forever
lonesome in my morning ritual.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It’s that time of year again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I used to love summer, and now I merely survive it,
especially the brutal 7 or 8 weeks between our wedding anniversary, July 1<sup>st</sup>,
and the anniversary of the day he died, August 24<sup>th</sup>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>His birthday is thrown in there on
August 2<sup>nd</sup>, just to really make it hard.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s been almost seven years since my husband died but as
the days get closer to the same length as that hateful day, my body remembers,
and even though so much time has passed, it’s still hard.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I walked through Costco tonight.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The Halloween costumes were out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s been a long time since an image like that has made me
cry, but suddenly my eyes just leaked.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Will I ever get to have a little person to put in one of those?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s looking more and more like the
answer is “no.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>On days like today
I grieve for the loss of the life that I thought I was going to have.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Most days I’m ok.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Most days I remember that I’ve found my new normal.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I even have found a way to enjoy myself again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I laugh a lot.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t feel sad every single day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not even in this gross 8 weeks.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
But today, I’m just not that ok.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I long for the days when I thought that one morning without
him was too hard, and when I still believed that it was my destiny to have a
small, costume-clad person holding my hand.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEisWGgJvlBYW43uoHHQRfZKr8AjnjCbNBV0DPu44aA82hTLDAo4hEld7EAaylHROINIgSwtOLZs_NEMPOImoQjWpR3N7kB_GeoDEZdinJgz524py27D0Fjpaw0rIn68dke5SLrzOMQCQQ/s1600/IMG_3202.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="148" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEisWGgJvlBYW43uoHHQRfZKr8AjnjCbNBV0DPu44aA82hTLDAo4hEld7EAaylHROINIgSwtOLZs_NEMPOImoQjWpR3N7kB_GeoDEZdinJgz524py27D0Fjpaw0rIn68dke5SLrzOMQCQQ/s320/IMG_3202.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
Noelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13714541394769902623noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2699042885255346769.post-51085077823407233192016-03-21T23:30:00.000-06:002016-03-21T23:30:14.320-06:00The Bod<div class="MsoNormal">
I’ve been crazy busy living life, but when I told a client
in my chair this story the other day, she said, “You should write a blog.” <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I told her, I <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">do</i> write a blog (you know, in the loose sense of the word, I should
have said I <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">sometimes</i> write a blog).</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Right before Christmas, I met a man.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What makes this remarkable is that I
had just made a statement, the day before, that I was done for awhile.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Benched.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I felt a bit creeped out by men in general and needed a
break.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And then I met this guy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was at an event at church, one of the happy hours for the
30’s group.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was actually there
to avoid being home because of a (before mentioned) creepy man situation (but
that’s another story for another time), even though I was benched.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Anyway, we ended up having a 30 to 45
minute conversation, which is rare in that setting, and had a ton of things in
common.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He was handsome (my
friends came to call him The Bod), was soft spoken, and super kind.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Because of the fact that I was “done,”
I was just totally being my authentic, unfettered self.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I wasn’t trying to impress him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It came up that I was a widow (because
I was benched, my guard wasn’t up), and in a totally non-weird way, he asked
about the story and I told it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He
was compassionate.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>At the end of
the conversation he told me to find him on Facebook, and mutual friends
overheard that, and had been observing our long talk, and got excited.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This meeting had potential.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I found him on Facebook, and we exchanged messages over
Christmas, but nothing substantial.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
After New Years, a friend of mine had a birthday and a big
group of my friends, including the Bod, went out to celebrate.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We had a lot to drink, closed the bar
down, went to get food afterward, and then he kissed me in my car.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was shocked.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Other women had been throwing
themselves at him all night.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had
actually been having an internal dialogue with myself all night:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Don’t
fall for this guy, Noel.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Church
guys are weird.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They can be such
pussies.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He’ll never make a move.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You don’t want to be part of the harem</i>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So when he actually <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">did</i> make a move, I was shocked!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In a good way.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My internal dialogue changed to: <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Oh, it’s </i>on.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And then the next day I saw him and it was like he was
giving me the Heisman (as in, the body language that the trophy shows).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We finally had a conversation a week
later, where I totally gave him an out:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>We had been drinking a lot.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>We don’t really know each other.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Blah Blah Blah.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But, he
assured me that he had felt a connection, that he had meant to kiss me, but
that he wanted to take things slow, base a relationship on friendship.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He wanted to get to know me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Internal dialogue: <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Well, I don’t typically do slow, but that hasn’t been working for me
lately.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sure.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I could try slow.<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
After a couple of weeks of more awkwardness, with just
enough hint of connection to keep me guessing, I sent an email.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I kindly told him that he’s not the
type that I normally date, so if this is slow, I can be patient, but if he’s
not interested, well, basically, could he help a sister out and just let me
know?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He responded saying that he
wanted to talk about it in person, and could we get together the following week
because he was out of town?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>“Sure,” I said.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But then he didn’t follow up, either via email or in person
when I ran into him twice that week.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>So, I felt mildly disappointed, both in the fact that he clearly wasn’t
interested and also in the fact that he was, after all that, exactly what I had
been warning myself against the whole night before we kissed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But, whatever.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The problem is, we’re part of the same friend group.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So, a couple of weeks later, after
seeing him a few times and not talking to him, he asked me if we could grab
coffee or a drink.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Internal Dialogue:
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Do we seriously need to get together now,
a month after I emailed you, for you to tell me you’re not interested? I think I got it, buddy.</i><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But, I agreed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Why not?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m pretty sure that I can’t remember what I ever saw in
him, but, I’m pretty good at giving lots of chances.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Plus, because we run in the same gang, I’d like for him to
be able to make eye contact with me. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My friends all told me not to worry anyway.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“What kind of asshole wants to get
together after you’ve clearly moved on to tell you that he’s not interested?”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Oh, my friends, the Bod is that kind of asshole. We met for
coffee, and I waited an hour for him to beat around the bush, to hint at the
idea that he’s not interested.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
had to say, “Um, could we just circle back to the fact that you aren’t going to
date anyone at the church that we go to, ‘cuz I feel like that was for
me.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>After him stuttering through
an explanation, and finally being somewhat direct, I told him he owed me an
aplogy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“You wanted to sit down
and talk about this <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">now</i>?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s been <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">two months</i> since you kissed me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You think it’s okay to just string someone along like
that?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He stuttered another
explanation, no apology, and told me that he was “spooked” by my direct
communication style.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">And by the fact that I’m a widow. </b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Mmokay then.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I’m actually proud of the fact that I’m a direct communicator.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And the widow thing?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That I can’t change.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I didn’t kill my husband.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s completely unfair.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s not my fault.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Really, in the whole above scenario, I
can’t really think where I went wrong.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But now, even a couple of weeks later, I’m still
furious.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Before we sat down, I had
felt a bit of rejection, but it was no big deal. I had already moved on.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And then he dropped the widow thing on
me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m not someone who struggles
with confidence.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Ever.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To a degree that it is probably
actually not healthy, it probably borders on arrogance.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But, sheesh.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Every date that I’ve been on since my husband died, this is
an issue, (<a href="http://goodgriefayoungwidowsjourney.blogspot.com/2015/12/insult-injury-and-awesomeness.html" target="_blank">well, except for that minute that I was dating the guy that I’ve known my whole life</a>).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Internal
Dialogue: <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">No one will want you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Ever.<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And that just sucks.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I'm trying to tell myself that it's not true.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And, I keep reminding myself that I don’t even know this
man.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That my first impressions
were that he was just so kind.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>That’s not the picture of him that he ended up showing me, but I believe
that he has to be bigger than the small (asshole) piece of him that he showed
me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<o:DocumentProperties>
<o:Template>Normal.dotm</o:Template>
<o:Revision>0</o:Revision>
<o:TotalTime>0</o:TotalTime>
<o:Pages>1</o:Pages>
<o:Words>1143</o:Words>
<o:Characters>4687</o:Characters>
<o:Company>noel hair studio LTD</o:Company>
<o:Lines>91</o:Lines>
<o:Paragraphs>14</o:Paragraphs>
<o:CharactersWithSpaces>8002</o:CharactersWithSpaces>
<o:Version>12.0</o:Version>
</o:DocumentProperties>
<o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
<o:AllowPNG/>
</o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:WordDocument>
<w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom>
<w:TrackMoves>false</w:TrackMoves>
<w:TrackFormatting/>
<w:PunctuationKerning/>
<w:DrawingGridHorizontalSpacing>18 pt</w:DrawingGridHorizontalSpacing>
<w:DrawingGridVerticalSpacing>18 pt</w:DrawingGridVerticalSpacing>
<w:DisplayHorizontalDrawingGridEvery>0</w:DisplayHorizontalDrawingGridEvery>
<w:DisplayVerticalDrawingGridEvery>0</w:DisplayVerticalDrawingGridEvery>
<w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/>
<w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>
<w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent>
<w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>
<w:Compatibility>
<w:BreakWrappedTables/>
<w:DontGrowAutofit/>
<w:DontAutofitConstrainedTables/>
<w:DontVertAlignInTxbx/>
</w:Compatibility>
</w:WordDocument>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" LatentStyleCount="276">
</w:LatentStyles>
</xml><![endif]-->
<!--[if gte mso 10]>
<style>
/* Style Definitions */
table.MsoNormalTable
{mso-style-name:"Table Normal";
mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0;
mso-tstyle-colband-size:0;
mso-style-noshow:yes;
mso-style-parent:"";
mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt;
mso-para-margin:0in;
mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:12.0pt;
font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-ascii-font-family:Cambria;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;
mso-hansi-font-family:Cambria;
mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;}
</style>
<![endif]-->
<!--StartFragment-->
<!--EndFragment--><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
But still.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>F#ck
him.</div>
Noelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13714541394769902623noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2699042885255346769.post-73628480695262922152016-02-04T06:30:00.000-07:002016-02-04T06:30:04.280-07:00#tbt<div class="MsoNormal">
A couple of weeks ago, <a href="http://goodgriefayoungwidowsjourney.blogspot.com/2010/11/ellie.html" target="_blank">Ellie</a> (my sister) found these photos from Christmas 2008 and showed them to me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had never
seen them before.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4w6p1jCqynEhD7PRXj5Mc3JXJt5KAhcqfrloEcQAf9zasS6KCULG-2Ls4b20MnNlVynhySkUYrhzULMlAenObvXLTd79xzRot-XAaISogynfn-2eLT6tpkig7dt23DCQwSCjmkYVByQ/s1600/IMG_2561.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4w6p1jCqynEhD7PRXj5Mc3JXJt5KAhcqfrloEcQAf9zasS6KCULG-2Ls4b20MnNlVynhySkUYrhzULMlAenObvXLTd79xzRot-XAaISogynfn-2eLT6tpkig7dt23DCQwSCjmkYVByQ/s320/IMG_2561.JPG" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Sawan and Arthur</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhbfnHQko0duehrGaeovzX_CRItbHpBB8uyFuQ21Yj_Ll28Ub8APmAWG3CXPZwBKYYcr8WkHRX29rYgDAIXeMo4Oz4ZsvylHBJwLzbcY1b0vJAxjPmmthbbuOaj_bzuLdfdyb0wi3UPug/s1600/IMG_2559.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhbfnHQko0duehrGaeovzX_CRItbHpBB8uyFuQ21Yj_Ll28Ub8APmAWG3CXPZwBKYYcr8WkHRX29rYgDAIXeMo4Oz4ZsvylHBJwLzbcY1b0vJAxjPmmthbbuOaj_bzuLdfdyb0wi3UPug/s320/IMG_2559.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Sawan and I with our Christmas cracker hats on</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0SIQsUTH8IB3NQRCrWMFwSyPLHxg2BLyJnrePLaNGd1W8b_g33VperaVIgKpf9e7QzR8HV5CyBPbmUPovOqzwtjla-ick026nE-bufu-03tpz8cXEMrdGonj7c3Wo-gJYtEaMCCS5Uw/s1600/IMG_2562.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0SIQsUTH8IB3NQRCrWMFwSyPLHxg2BLyJnrePLaNGd1W8b_g33VperaVIgKpf9e7QzR8HV5CyBPbmUPovOqzwtjla-ick026nE-bufu-03tpz8cXEMrdGonj7c3Wo-gJYtEaMCCS5Uw/s320/IMG_2562.JPG" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Ellie says she was trying out her new iphone and took this picture before he left for work. It was his contact photo in her phone. </td></tr>
</tbody></table>
After looking through them that night, I had a dream about
Sawan, which has seriously only happened about four times (isn’t that strange?). It was just a normal day, we were back
in our old condo and he was making me dinner, which is pretty much how life
always was. His back was to me
almost the whole time, and in random dream world he was making a salad but then
he was trying to put it all on a pita, not in a “hey this will make a great
wrap” sort of way, but just in a “this makes absolutely no sense because it’s
in random dream world” way. He put
raw onions on it, which he realized too late and was annoyed about because then
he knew I wouldn’t want to eat it (I hate raw onions). And then I woke up. I never touched him, didn’t get to tell
him I loved him, how much I miss him. It was truly disappointing. Especially for it only being the fourth time in six years
that I have had a late night rendezvous with my dead husband.<br />
<br />
<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhW0quPvwOQLDuLpoAdEsBKIQQxkIGL4NDcfUySQVADPp6ptF4mz17HPXh2WJxDyG7DxDmF5YQvS9V93OsCz1d68vryqP5u1GapD5Giix5UesbtWvoGEQefd0FbJvgah4-KuqYleoJ-5A/s1600/IMG_2563.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhW0quPvwOQLDuLpoAdEsBKIQQxkIGL4NDcfUySQVADPp6ptF4mz17HPXh2WJxDyG7DxDmF5YQvS9V93OsCz1d68vryqP5u1GapD5Giix5UesbtWvoGEQefd0FbJvgah4-KuqYleoJ-5A/s320/IMG_2563.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">There was also this one. Because, you know, safety first.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />Noelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13714541394769902623noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2699042885255346769.post-46926752276634025492016-02-01T19:32:00.000-07:002016-02-01T20:04:25.298-07:00The Intolerable Complement<div class="MsoNormal">
2016 is starting out pretty amazing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m crazy busy, but I won’t
complain.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m loving life.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Remember that I said that I was <a href="http://goodgriefayoungwidowsjourney.blogspot.com/2016/01/so-long-2015-dont-let-door-hitcha.html" target="_blank">listening to books</a>?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ve been on a bit of a C.S. Lewis
binge of late.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In the last few months I’ve “read” The Great Divorce, Mere
Christianity, and The Problem of Pain.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I took a break in between to listen to something a bit less heady, and
just finished The Problem of Pain last week.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I feel like I’m secure in the fact that I’m an intelligent
woman, but when I read C.S. Lewis I feel like I know nothing, that I’m never
going to get it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Like he’s
speaking the language of the gods and I am a mere mortal.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was talking to someone about this and
he told me that you have to just realize that every time you read him you’re
going to get something more than you got the last time, and be patient with
yourself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So, I’m working on it.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But, reading The Problem of Pain has totally changed my
life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I struggle with caring too much about what people think
about me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I think I’m better than
I used to be, but it’s still there.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>In a lot of ways I feel that people think that I must have really
screwed up to be in the position that I am.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Widowed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have
let that affect my own thoughts about myself as well.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It seems like there are multiple ways to process grief and
suffering, but the way that I always go is that its all my fault.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Since the terrible thing that happened
to me can’t be explained, it must be because of something that I did, or
because I’m a bad person, or at any rate not good enough, and eventually, I get
to, because God doesn’t love me enough.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Part of the “messy spirituality" that I’m known for is that (<a href="http://goodgriefayoungwidowsjourney.blogspot.com/2012/12/hope.html" target="_blank">as I have said before</a>) I know intellectually that God loves me and wants
what’s best for me, but if he thinks that me being widowed is best for me, then
he’s kind of an asshole.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> Even though I hate it, t</span>hat’s<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>pretty much been the
way I’ve been relating to him for the last six or so years.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And then I read this:</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
"We are, not metaphorically, but in very truth, a
Divine work of art, something that God is making, and therefore something with
which He will not be satisfied until it has a certain character.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Here again we come up against what I
have called the 'intolerable compliment'. Over a sketch made idly to amuse a
child, an artist may not take much trouble: he may be content to let it go even
though it is not exactly as he meant it to be. But over the great picture of
his life - the work which he loves, though in a different fashion, as intensely
as a man loves a woman or a mother a child - he will take endless trouble - and
would, doubtless, thereby give endless trouble to the picture if it were
sentient [the ability to feel and to have subjective experiences]. One can
imagine a sentient picture, after being rubbed and scraped and recommenced for
the tenth time, wishing that it were only a thumbnail sketch whose making was
over in a minute. In the same way, it is natural for us to wish that God had
designed for us a less glorious and less arduous destiny; but then we are
wishing not for more love but for less." - C.S. Lewis, The Problem of
Pain.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Hmm.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He really
loves me after all.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Talk about a
paradigm shift.</div>
<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<o:DocumentProperties>
<o:Template>Normal.dotm</o:Template>
<o:Revision>0</o:Revision>
<o:TotalTime>0</o:TotalTime>
<o:Pages>1</o:Pages>
<o:Words>460</o:Words>
<o:Characters>2626</o:Characters>
<o:Company>noel hair studio LTD</o:Company>
<o:Lines>21</o:Lines>
<o:Paragraphs>5</o:Paragraphs>
<o:CharactersWithSpaces>3224</o:CharactersWithSpaces>
<o:Version>12.0</o:Version>
</o:DocumentProperties>
<o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
<o:AllowPNG/>
</o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:WordDocument>
<w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom>
<w:TrackMoves>false</w:TrackMoves>
<w:TrackFormatting/>
<w:PunctuationKerning/>
<w:DrawingGridHorizontalSpacing>18 pt</w:DrawingGridHorizontalSpacing>
<w:DrawingGridVerticalSpacing>18 pt</w:DrawingGridVerticalSpacing>
<w:DisplayHorizontalDrawingGridEvery>0</w:DisplayHorizontalDrawingGridEvery>
<w:DisplayVerticalDrawingGridEvery>0</w:DisplayVerticalDrawingGridEvery>
<w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/>
<w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>
<w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent>
<w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>
<w:Compatibility>
<w:BreakWrappedTables/>
<w:DontGrowAutofit/>
<w:DontAutofitConstrainedTables/>
<w:DontVertAlignInTxbx/>
</w:Compatibility>
</w:WordDocument>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" LatentStyleCount="276">
</w:LatentStyles>
</xml><![endif]-->
<!--[if gte mso 10]>
<style>
/* Style Definitions */
table.MsoNormalTable
{mso-style-name:"Table Normal";
mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0;
mso-tstyle-colband-size:0;
mso-style-noshow:yes;
mso-style-parent:"";
mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt;
mso-para-margin:0in;
mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:12.0pt;
font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-ascii-font-family:Cambria;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;
mso-hansi-font-family:Cambria;
mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;}
</style>
<![endif]-->
<!--StartFragment-->
<!--EndFragment--><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
Noelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13714541394769902623noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2699042885255346769.post-5597422211559975832016-01-03T00:35:00.002-07:002016-01-03T00:45:05.987-07:00So long, 2015 (don't let the door hit'cha...)<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">What a crazy year
2015 was.<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
By seasons, it was a rough winter, followed by springtime of
conflict, one of my darkest summers on record, and a fall that was beautiful
but also painful in a different way.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>As the year moved on toward colder weather again, I found myself loving
winter in a way that I never have before.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I need the cold to seal everything up and let dormant things lie, so
that there can be new life.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But, amid the dark stuff, there was light.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Here’s are some of the major happenings:</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I got a Fitbit.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I got it in March, and gradually became obsessed with it. By May my
crazy was full blown.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Picture me
doing laps inside my house getting steps.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The neighbors see me walk by and call out, “Getting your steps?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Pacing the floor in a quiet moment, causing
my friends to say, “What are you <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">doing</i>?”
I went from the second week of May through the beginning of September without
missing my 10,000-step count goal (When you reach your goal, the Fitbit
vibrates.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I call it “Party on my
wrist.” It now comes with a dance, as well.).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A combination of it getting more difficult to walk outside
and a three-week separation from it in November allowed me to release myself (I
have a problem with letting things go once I’ve set a goal).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I still average 9K, but it’s not like
the 12K I was getting in July.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Let
it go, Noel.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>*deep breath* But, summer
2015 will always be the Summer of the Fitbit.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>All of my Denver family had one, and we would compete
against each other and our Australia family. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My sister would stop by just because she was going out to get
steps and she wanted company.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We
would all be together and find the furthest parking spot away so that we could
all increase our steps.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was
such fun.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj1a85xSq9j8qfH5ZObTWQ_YKzjZ4Vt0sVWqubopTwWiDnm6hj2DsoJ-pbKE6DjIIKqRi_AZnOSxMtJ5h4NASEiOmfHS08td31aGIfW3tXvgv_ldEdqmSMV7sUTNsnvHzXtwE-cQ6d1Gw/s1600/IMG_1893.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj1a85xSq9j8qfH5ZObTWQ_YKzjZ4Vt0sVWqubopTwWiDnm6hj2DsoJ-pbKE6DjIIKqRi_AZnOSxMtJ5h4NASEiOmfHS08td31aGIfW3tXvgv_ldEdqmSMV7sUTNsnvHzXtwE-cQ6d1Gw/s320/IMG_1893.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">From a Fitbit walk this summer. Sun setting, perfect weather, and a field full of dandelions. I hate them in my own yard, but at the park, it was so dreamy, all I could think was, "That's a lot of wishes."</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZwG_9CwV8t4jr8YqsxJSRYwIsQ0O7l8tNaxdnSO99qUYzvM8cfwHU_TVEzwIv8Qyqc73RpFnALFmgSM_u3YXr-GezG1vfF1L5dIDkbUJ6Mkdf7zHE7y4oMzJ2OWHtZekswQ7iQgAzTw/s1600/IMG_2313.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZwG_9CwV8t4jr8YqsxJSRYwIsQ0O7l8tNaxdnSO99qUYzvM8cfwHU_TVEzwIv8Qyqc73RpFnALFmgSM_u3YXr-GezG1vfF1L5dIDkbUJ6Mkdf7zHE7y4oMzJ2OWHtZekswQ7iQgAzTw/s200/IMG_2313.JPG" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">From an amazing encounter with author of the Shack, Paul Young. </td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
That leads to another great thing about 2015.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I began to “<a href="https://www.goodreads.com/review/list/6251968?shelf=read" target="_blank">read</a>” again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Well, sort of.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You see, I used to be a big
reader.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I would read one or two
books a month.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When I was a kid, I
actually got grounded from reading more than once.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I would be reading when I was supposed to be doing other
things, like chores, or sleeping.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>After Sawan died, however, I had to stop.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I couldn’t read as quickly as I had before, and my
comprehension had gone down the tubes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Reading provided only frustration where it used to bring joy, so I gave
it up for awhile.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There have been
a few books that I’ve struggled through in the last six years, but it was just that, a struggle.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have a friend that is an occupational
therapist that suggested I try doing two things at once, like reading and
swinging, or reading on my elliptical.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>That would employ both sides of my brain and therefore help me to
remember.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But, I found an even
better solution, using her suggestion of two things at once.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Audiobooks.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I listen while I’m getting my steps (or walking, if you
want), or driving, or working in the yard, or in the tub, or doing the
dishes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s employing both sides
of my brain but I’m still being productive.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I “read” 17 books this year.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Plus, I’m old school reading (actual books with paper and
words) three more right now, but that takes me forever.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
August is always a hard month for me; the majority of my "hard days" fall in August.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I really
keep thinking that it’s going to get easier, but man, this one was tough.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I told my mom one day that the only
thing I wanted to do was smoke and work out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A bit counter-productive, I know, but I allowed myself some
grace in the cigarette department (I technically quit November 2014) and gained
some muscle at Orange Theory.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQUOtTZOtdfL-yupoYfbrindeUXJ_z4fcSBY5FFY9yiCXAdyY9hEQomrSLdJbhGuyLJzzFk4yW3NkzLuIUoAlNGrMdKBlG0KTkoR9WkjBrPajeRVYhEbK3ZELt0Sw_i35FaOtt_eeohw/s1600/IMG_2402.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQUOtTZOtdfL-yupoYfbrindeUXJ_z4fcSBY5FFY9yiCXAdyY9hEQomrSLdJbhGuyLJzzFk4yW3NkzLuIUoAlNGrMdKBlG0KTkoR9WkjBrPajeRVYhEbK3ZELt0Sw_i35FaOtt_eeohw/s200/IMG_2402.JPG" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhP8nHynh1HsJmeankHKjWgZOLqUnB0cs2nM6jFJSw0OY7ViYe-92XYOANBcisifznIhyET5xvPD4q8dr6WpkubF8b0iHGy_TJkBldi_SxV2HJbODsie62KKQHS4cxeHX3S_JqL-quU1Q/s1600/IMG_2334.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhP8nHynh1HsJmeankHKjWgZOLqUnB0cs2nM6jFJSw0OY7ViYe-92XYOANBcisifznIhyET5xvPD4q8dr6WpkubF8b0iHGy_TJkBldi_SxV2HJbODsie62KKQHS4cxeHX3S_JqL-quU1Q/s200/IMG_2334.JPG" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Which brings me to my <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">very
favorite</i> thing from 2015.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Orange Theory Fitness.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Orange
Theory is a HIIT workout that kicks my butt every time, but is completely
enjoyable.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When I tell my friends
about it, some of them say they never want to do it, and some of them have come
with me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Either way, I am addicted
to the endorphins and have injured myself more than once from trying to go too
often. I think it probably saved my life this summer and so I’m incredibly
thankful for it.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I started a new job in September staging real estate.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I work staging on the days that I’m not
doing hair.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Well, to be fair, I
only worked a handful of days last fall and then things totally slowed down
around the holidays, so I had plenty of time for the busy season at the salon. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A really gifted friend is training me,
and I love every minute of it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It’s totally energizing in a whole new way.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I began to use Arthur (my service dog) less and less this fall;
it just felt like it was time, because I’m doing so much better than I was when
I first started using him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I just
don’t need him as much as I used to.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>He and I are stumbling a bit through the transition of him not having to
work <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">all</i> the time, but still being a
good boy when I need him to work.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I think he doesn’t get it, doesn’t understand why I’m leaving him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And, I miss him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t miss all of the questions or
the attention that we got, though.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Anyway, we’re getting it figured out.</div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi2wk2v2O-9l_m9__BPhcs7-LjFRTPv5GDCysLnHoHKVIcEn2yaIZnTlDiRo4B7ya0NEMxDGIcYMVum7UiSiVEp_fLwr6TeczAbMpkt3SndAm0NQlW6wYbs9SpsINIyKUokal-GUzWmyw/s1600/IMG_2032.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi2wk2v2O-9l_m9__BPhcs7-LjFRTPv5GDCysLnHoHKVIcEn2yaIZnTlDiRo4B7ya0NEMxDGIcYMVum7UiSiVEp_fLwr6TeczAbMpkt3SndAm0NQlW6wYbs9SpsINIyKUokal-GUzWmyw/s200/IMG_2032.JPG" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Arthur with his birthday cone</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEje4pn9SFNATkWpCQxdC00vOecmj3YVT9KCvnlNgB5gIH4j7h9zR8htzbvldkOhGj6FZI0tr8y7iPdz1JeX8cs-2pjBwVjjfaU4DaYCKrjh2Hm_ZJonfSs4n7s7gwVi1RxEaV7A7m7dIQ/s1600/IMG_1710.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEje4pn9SFNATkWpCQxdC00vOecmj3YVT9KCvnlNgB5gIH4j7h9zR8htzbvldkOhGj6FZI0tr8y7iPdz1JeX8cs-2pjBwVjjfaU4DaYCKrjh2Hm_ZJonfSs4n7s7gwVi1RxEaV7A7m7dIQ/s200/IMG_1710.JPG" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">freezing his paws off. not a fan of the boots.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9FMLUZe1WUibJbqcaPQWDtUQaZ8BN82VByiX4zt6oQ9HqzUT3BFk_EKUSkDVj1iky51WWC8xB7pC9lYBFAUiZtobHQ6P5HGIqiveDnRmAumrXQZSBIAVl8cl9p3Xk45nDmx92mYriwg/s1600/IMG_2241.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9FMLUZe1WUibJbqcaPQWDtUQaZ8BN82VByiX4zt6oQ9HqzUT3BFk_EKUSkDVj1iky51WWC8xB7pC9lYBFAUiZtobHQ6P5HGIqiveDnRmAumrXQZSBIAVl8cl9p3Xk45nDmx92mYriwg/s200/IMG_2241.JPG" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">September in Santa Fe</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My parents moved away this fall.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My dad started a new job in October, so he headed north
then, and my mom came and went throughout the fall working on finding their new
house and getting the old house ready to go.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They left for good right after Thanksgiving. I went up there
for Christmas (BTW, spending time in the town where I went to high school and
have rarely been since was surreal), so I haven’t really felt their absence
until this week.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It pretty much
sucks.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Sprinkle in there a few bad dates, a few good dates (but
none with a permanent solution to my single-girl woes), some awesome time
deepening old friendships and making new ones, another season watching the
Rockies lose, and you pretty much have my year.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For the most part I feel like 2015 can suck it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m not sad to see it go.</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9cfeqtaK4sbDirsWwr77COZTap7M94Qc9UwkJxI-O46lMZ-l8yPZ687Jw8wbA48rt1PGM09TIsODSXOO7m2ChlaM40XdSDxqxJaM1KlJQXu_Fi8HetoTaR-4PbKKuv65h8zCUHBVu0A/s1600/IMG_2138.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9cfeqtaK4sbDirsWwr77COZTap7M94Qc9UwkJxI-O46lMZ-l8yPZ687Jw8wbA48rt1PGM09TIsODSXOO7m2ChlaM40XdSDxqxJaM1KlJQXu_Fi8HetoTaR-4PbKKuv65h8zCUHBVu0A/s200/IMG_2138.JPG" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">old friends. (Or friends for a long time. We're NOT old.)</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidE2YiK9P5tziZExJ_DK8np9kge32_-IpfycbH7j74q7RQ3bWo6Jypo2ldUxwnTSsWkXt4UuHDr0MjgplzAPgho78JvJUIn0hvswH0n61uwf7oWGtRT3QtVzOhwF1SKoajQe87ahj6qQ/s1600/12191400_10208410728695053_5803895816971506136_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidE2YiK9P5tziZExJ_DK8np9kge32_-IpfycbH7j74q7RQ3bWo6Jypo2ldUxwnTSsWkXt4UuHDr0MjgplzAPgho78JvJUIn0hvswH0n61uwf7oWGtRT3QtVzOhwF1SKoajQe87ahj6qQ/s200/12191400_10208410728695053_5803895816971506136_n.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">(relatively) new friends.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>I’m excited to see
what 2016 will bring</b>. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My dear readers, my Readership of Tens, thank you for
reading my words.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Thanks for your
comments and words of encouragement.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Especially you widows…we got this!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>We’re in it together.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Thanks for another year.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p> <table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQsuSaCdjtEiyOMJrL7YNOnnQUkNaHgvVS1ydSXlQOq36ilbiktBx1q6PNTm1xzI943QHBDX6kpIwVVypE0zpKoE2MrwoUr2_Pa4d3LmDFXU1hQ76kHn8MBglKxsOUjZeGa7a-PQZYGQ/s1600/IMG_2514.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQsuSaCdjtEiyOMJrL7YNOnnQUkNaHgvVS1ydSXlQOq36ilbiktBx1q6PNTm1xzI943QHBDX6kpIwVVypE0zpKoE2MrwoUr2_Pa4d3LmDFXU1hQ76kHn8MBglKxsOUjZeGa7a-PQZYGQ/s320/IMG_2514.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Christmas in Montana</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<o:DocumentProperties>
<o:Template>Normal.dotm</o:Template>
<o:Revision>0</o:Revision>
<o:TotalTime>0</o:TotalTime>
<o:Pages>1</o:Pages>
<o:Words>865</o:Words>
<o:Characters>4932</o:Characters>
<o:Company>noel hair studio LTD</o:Company>
<o:Lines>41</o:Lines>
<o:Paragraphs>9</o:Paragraphs>
<o:CharactersWithSpaces>6056</o:CharactersWithSpaces>
<o:Version>12.0</o:Version>
</o:DocumentProperties>
<o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
<o:AllowPNG/>
</o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:WordDocument>
<w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom>
<w:TrackMoves>false</w:TrackMoves>
<w:TrackFormatting/>
<w:PunctuationKerning/>
<w:DrawingGridHorizontalSpacing>18 pt</w:DrawingGridHorizontalSpacing>
<w:DrawingGridVerticalSpacing>18 pt</w:DrawingGridVerticalSpacing>
<w:DisplayHorizontalDrawingGridEvery>0</w:DisplayHorizontalDrawingGridEvery>
<w:DisplayVerticalDrawingGridEvery>0</w:DisplayVerticalDrawingGridEvery>
<w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/>
<w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>
<w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent>
<w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>
<w:Compatibility>
<w:BreakWrappedTables/>
<w:DontGrowAutofit/>
<w:DontAutofitConstrainedTables/>
<w:DontVertAlignInTxbx/>
</w:Compatibility>
</w:WordDocument>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" LatentStyleCount="276">
</w:LatentStyles>
</xml><![endif]-->
<!--[if gte mso 10]>
<style>
/* Style Definitions */
table.MsoNormalTable
{mso-style-name:"Table Normal";
mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0;
mso-tstyle-colband-size:0;
mso-style-noshow:yes;
mso-style-parent:"";
mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt;
mso-para-margin:0in;
mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:12.0pt;
font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-ascii-font-family:Cambria;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;
mso-hansi-font-family:Cambria;
mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;}
</style>
<![endif]-->
<!--StartFragment-->
<!--EndFragment--><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
Noelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13714541394769902623noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2699042885255346769.post-61132791650158644992015-12-25T17:09:00.001-07:002015-12-25T17:09:32.305-07:00Merry Christmas!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh8vW2e5Mkmr8Dx1LLhxtykNWDCzJvcR-cxeE13cQbkG7TMo21_nEyX14rwCA-BTccs7gOal-McpOIAyrUS08xaS2x9-0KPR3eIbjCV2Scta2wsVWP9VdnEsIb2vKCJLfzmkupiK5xclg/s1600/IMG_2450.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh8vW2e5Mkmr8Dx1LLhxtykNWDCzJvcR-cxeE13cQbkG7TMo21_nEyX14rwCA-BTccs7gOal-McpOIAyrUS08xaS2x9-0KPR3eIbjCV2Scta2wsVWP9VdnEsIb2vKCJLfzmkupiK5xclg/s320/IMG_2450.JPG" width="306" /></a></div>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">'<b><i>DO NOT BE AFRAID</i></b>. For unto you I bring glad tidings of great joy which shall be for <b><i>ALL</i></b> people.' Unto us a savior is born. With all of the hope that the season brings, I wish you a Merry Christmas!</span>Noelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13714541394769902623noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2699042885255346769.post-18679297958553856052015-12-11T10:13:00.000-07:002015-12-11T10:14:25.692-07:00Insult, Injury and Awesomeness<div class="MsoNormal">
A couple of weeks ago, I had one of those days.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I posted on Facebook “Whoever coined
the phrase ‘adding insult to injury’ must have had a 24 hours just like
mine.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I took it down almost immediately,
when I realized that I was being one of those facebookers that I hate, that post
cryptic, passive aggressive messages.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>But, seriously, let me lay it out for you.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It started at Orange Theory on Wednesday.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(This is my latest obsession.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s seriously the best hour of my day.
I absolutely love it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s a super
hard HIIT workout that I do five or six days a week and it’s hard on my body,
but it’s so fun. I love the way I feel while I’m doing it, and after I do it,
so I don’t care how hard it is.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
feel like I’m physically stronger than I’ve ever been in my entire life.)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We did a series of major core exercises
with lots of reps, (woodchoppers, dumbbell Russian twists with a press
in-between, a few burpees added in for good measure).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was fine after the workout.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I felt great.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I went on with my day, which included seeing the man that
I had been…what would we call it? Involved with? Seeing each other? We were I
guess dating for a couple of weeks in the beginning of October.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is a man that I’ve known since,
well, I technically met him when I was in 7<sup>th</sup> grade and he was in 8<sup>th</sup>
grade.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had a major crush on him
starting the summer before my sophomore year of high school, and going on into
that fall.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ve known him a long
time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He got divorced a year after
Sawan died and started asking me out pretty quickly thereafter, and I always
said “no.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It just didn’t seem like
it could work.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We had changed so
much in adulthood that I didn’t think that we saw eye to eye on important
issues.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I never really even
considered it.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But, something happened this fall that made me re-think
it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We had had several good
conversations that made me think that we weren’t that different after all.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Even if we didn’t agree on issues, he
at least understood where I was coming from, and didn’t think that I was stupid
(for my way of thinking).</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So, I let him in.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>We started dating.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was
like high school, actually, in some ways, with lots of long make-out sessions.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It surprised me that I was so into him,
after feeling absolutely nothing for him but friendship before.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I think I was partially seduced by the
fact that things were different with him than with anyone else I’ve dated since
Sawan.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He didn’t make me feel like
he was doing me a favor, dating a widow.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Maybe because he’s known me for so long.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Maybe because he knew us both.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Maybe because he’s just not an asshole.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The friendship that we’ve had for so long, the shared
history, made it so much fun.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It
was so comfortable.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And then, every song on the radio was about him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I hadn’t experienced that in a long time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He said things to me like, “I think I
could love you for the rest of your life…” and I believed him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He told me that he was attracted to
smart women, but that physically I had it all, too.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have no problem in normal situations feeling like I’m physically
attractive (call me arrogant), but this felt different.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I felt attractive in a whole new way.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But, after just two weeks he was headed on a long trip
overseas.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The last night I was to
see him before he left on the epic adventure, I said, “Ok, I’m sorry to be such
a chick about this, but, before you go, I need to know where we stand.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And he said, basically, “I can’t make
you any promises.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I can’t take
care of myself right now, much less anyone else. I don’t even know if I’ll be returning
to Denver long-term.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We turned the lights off.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And that was pretty much it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The next day I briefly told him I was mad.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That I had given him lots of
opportunities to say those same things in the last two weeks and he
hadn’t.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He left with “Well, for
what it’s worth, I’ve really enjoyed the last two weeks.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Well, shit.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Me, too.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But
I’m not sure I would have done it the same way had I known that two weeks would
be it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Especially because, with
his connections to my family, I’ll be seeing him around for the rest of my
life.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And now we’re back to Wednesday night, and my 24 hours of
insult and injury.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
He had one night in town between the epic adventure overseas
and another two week trip. I was so excited to see him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had really missed him even though,
well, we had left things on such sketchy terms.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We had communicated a tiny bit while he was gone, and I had
convinced myself that he had to be just scared.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He had said that this was 20 years in the making.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He couldn’t possibly be over it after only
two weeks.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But, the conversation Wednesday night didn’t go well.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He basically said that he thought that
it was going to be different (I think that he has this adolescent fantasy about
what love is and honestly nothing real in the adult world is ever going to do
it for him. I told him as much.). He never meant for me to get hurt.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He loved me but not in “that way.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yikes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ve honestly never been the rejected party before.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It kind of sucks. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Too many beers in to drive home, I slept at his house.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When I woke up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the
night, I couldn’t stand up straight.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I had tweaked my back somehow, and I was in incredible pain (damn Orange
Theory).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The next morning it was
even worse, and I felt sick from too many beers and not enough (or <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">any</i>) dinner.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When I told him goodbye, I told him not to text me or call
me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I didn’t want him to string me
along.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then, I got in my car and
drove home.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Except, on the way home, I puked in my lap.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yep.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was trying to convince myself that I wasn’t going to be
sick, but I couldn’t hold it in.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>By the time I realized that I was definitely going to be sick, no way to
talk myself out of it, I had time to pull over but not to get my window down or
my door open, so I just puked all over my lap.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Classy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Isn’t
it something, though, how you puke and then feel like you could climb a
mountain?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I could have if it
weren’t for my stupid back.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I also realized on the way home that I had left my fitbit
(and later, also my favorite pair of earrings).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Seriously?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So
much for no calls/no texts.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I got home and laid on my bed, realizing there was no way I
could work with my back in this condition.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I called all of my clients, then my amazing bodywork guy,
who got me in <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">that day</i> to work on me
(this is something of a miracle, considering his schedule).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I cried the whole time, from physical
or emotional pain, I’m not sure which.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>He thinks that with all of the Russian twists I did, I <s>Russian</s>
twisted my vertebrae out of allignment.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Or, he said (ever the Buddhist), alternatively, pain in the back comes
from relationship pain.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Feeling
like you’re not supported.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yeah. Either
way.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I went home and cried the rest of the day, and watched How I
Met Your Mother on Netflix.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In spite of the fact that I’m hurting and I’m really mad, I
find myself still believing the best of the man I had been seeing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know that he really didn’t mean to hurt me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I think that he’s self-centered and therefore
didn’t think about the consequences for his actions, but I think he probably
means it when he says “I love you.” (and that, “just not in that way,” is also
accurate).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But I’ve also never
been the type to hang on.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I do not
need to convince anyone to love me.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When I woke up on Friday, my eyes were so swollen from crying
that I looked like someone had punched me in the face.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I looked in the mirror at myself and
said aloud, “<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">F#ck. Him.</i></b>”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And
then, as Barney (on HIMYM) would say, “Whenever I feel sad, I just stop being
sad and be awesome instead.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>True
story.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So, that’s the gross 24 hours and the 24 hour turn around
and recovery.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The moral of the
story?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Don’t date your childhood
friends. Trust your gut. Don’t drink four beers and skip dinner. Don’t work out
so hard at Orange Theory.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t
know, maybe it’s one of those. Or, maybe it’s: BE AWESOME.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<o:DocumentProperties>
<o:Template>Normal.dotm</o:Template>
<o:Revision>0</o:Revision>
<o:TotalTime>0</o:TotalTime>
<o:Pages>1</o:Pages>
<o:Words>1151</o:Words>
<o:Characters>6561</o:Characters>
<o:Company>noel hair studio LTD</o:Company>
<o:Lines>54</o:Lines>
<o:Paragraphs>13</o:Paragraphs>
<o:CharactersWithSpaces>8057</o:CharactersWithSpaces>
<o:Version>12.0</o:Version>
</o:DocumentProperties>
<o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
<o:AllowPNG/>
</o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:WordDocument>
<w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom>
<w:TrackMoves>false</w:TrackMoves>
<w:TrackFormatting/>
<w:PunctuationKerning/>
<w:DrawingGridHorizontalSpacing>18 pt</w:DrawingGridHorizontalSpacing>
<w:DrawingGridVerticalSpacing>18 pt</w:DrawingGridVerticalSpacing>
<w:DisplayHorizontalDrawingGridEvery>0</w:DisplayHorizontalDrawingGridEvery>
<w:DisplayVerticalDrawingGridEvery>0</w:DisplayVerticalDrawingGridEvery>
<w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/>
<w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>
<w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent>
<w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>
<w:Compatibility>
<w:BreakWrappedTables/>
<w:DontGrowAutofit/>
<w:DontAutofitConstrainedTables/>
<w:DontVertAlignInTxbx/>
</w:Compatibility>
</w:WordDocument>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" LatentStyleCount="276">
</w:LatentStyles>
</xml><![endif]-->
<!--[if gte mso 10]>
<style>
/* Style Definitions */
table.MsoNormalTable
{mso-style-name:"Table Normal";
mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0;
mso-tstyle-colband-size:0;
mso-style-noshow:yes;
mso-style-parent:"";
mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt;
mso-para-margin:0in;
mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:12.0pt;
font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-ascii-font-family:Cambria;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;
mso-hansi-font-family:Cambria;
mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;}
</style>
<![endif]-->
<!--StartFragment-->
<!--EndFragment--><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
Noelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13714541394769902623noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2699042885255346769.post-73508444170760654272015-12-05T23:46:00.001-07:002015-12-07T22:02:10.794-07:00Fair Warning<div class="MsoNormal">
I was talking about my writing today, and sharing about how I had offended someone in the last post, and so I had stopped posting
for a while.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> E</span>ven though I had tried so hard not to hurt feelings (I wrote the paragraph in question over and over and over on <a href="http://goodgriefayoungwidowsjourney.blogspot.com/2015/09/whatever.html" target="_blank">Whatever</a>), I still had done so.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> I felt terrible. It made me so sad. </span>But, I let that control me, manipulate me. I let them take my voice.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No one should have that power.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I was reminded of, and am claiming this for my own:</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTi62HR1jGZFdOV-H3o9Fya2UkxQyiWxCqiFE59_HYG_iMu0-jg_GCgrvhYEV-79wC25tVida9NbqFNzu4EG0ziLQ9lMjdaHlb-7Huii4MvUIVvvq_BInQ86zKH2dJw76UaIQmTp-Glw/s1600/anne_lamott.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTi62HR1jGZFdOV-H3o9Fya2UkxQyiWxCqiFE59_HYG_iMu0-jg_GCgrvhYEV-79wC25tVida9NbqFNzu4EG0ziLQ9lMjdaHlb-7Huii4MvUIVvvq_BInQ86zKH2dJw76UaIQmTp-Glw/s400/anne_lamott.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I will do my best to be honest (and not make myself look
like a hero). I will try (I will
write and re-write paragraphs) not to hurt feelings. I am not taking license to be snotty. But, fair warning. <b>This is my story. I will tell it. </b></div>
Noelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13714541394769902623noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2699042885255346769.post-12893317685197118622015-09-30T23:21:00.000-06:002015-09-30T23:37:19.850-06:00Whatever.<div class="MsoNormal">
Anne Lamott lists the three essential prayers, according to
her, in her book Help, Thanks, Wow.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>But when I saw her speak about a year ago, she said, and I’m paraphrasing,
that she had not realized until after the book was published that there is a fourth
essential prayer, <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">whatever.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></b>(Help, Thanks, Wow, Whatever
doesn’t quite have the same ring, so maybe it’s for the best that she didn’t
come up with that ‘till later.)</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I thought, “Whoa.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>How often do I pray that prayer?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>‘Whatever, God. I just don’t get you.’”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
For the last few weeks, that has pretty much been the
meditation of my heart.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m not
saying it angrily.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m not really
pissed at God (well, not about that, anyway).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Just confused.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I just really don’t get him sometimes (OK, almost all of the time).</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I had a brutal summer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>For some reason, the grief of widowhood just kicked my ass this
year.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Summer is always hard but
this one was worse, for some reason.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">whatever.<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I turned off the last of my online dating profiles
today.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I give up.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ve had a few ridiculous dates this
summer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Only <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">first dates</i>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The
profiles I see don’t give me much hope that there’s anything better out
there.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A man in your age range,
with a job, that will have children?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>You’re asking way too much, Noel.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">whatever.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Plus, even if I find a guy that ticks off all of my deal
breakers, he’ll probably just end up being like the last guy, that technically
met all the deal breakers, (and I’ve decided not to use this blog as a platform
to say mean things about men I’ve dated and broken up with, but I have nothing
nice to say about him at all).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So,
without giving details, I’ll just say that if the available men are like him,
then I’m content to be single for the rest of my life. <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">whatever.<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The whole thing about the “Biological Clock Ticking” that
you hear about on the movies?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>That’s a real thing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Only,
in the movies they’re always joking about it, and in real life, it’s not
funny.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s so incredibly
stressful.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s constantly on my
mind.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The pressure that it puts on
dating, that it puts on me as I <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">give up
dating</i> is so intense.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Whatever.<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><br /></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<o:DocumentProperties>
<o:Template>Normal.dotm</o:Template>
<o:Revision>0</o:Revision>
<o:TotalTime>0</o:TotalTime>
<o:Pages>1</o:Pages>
<o:Words>106</o:Words>
<o:Characters>447</o:Characters>
<o:Company>noel hair studio LTD</o:Company>
<o:Lines>9</o:Lines>
<o:Paragraphs>1</o:Paragraphs>
<o:CharactersWithSpaces>745</o:CharactersWithSpaces>
<o:Version>12.0</o:Version>
</o:DocumentProperties>
<o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
<o:AllowPNG/>
</o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:WordDocument>
<w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom>
<w:TrackMoves>false</w:TrackMoves>
<w:TrackFormatting/>
<w:PunctuationKerning/>
<w:DrawingGridHorizontalSpacing>18 pt</w:DrawingGridHorizontalSpacing>
<w:DrawingGridVerticalSpacing>18 pt</w:DrawingGridVerticalSpacing>
<w:DisplayHorizontalDrawingGridEvery>0</w:DisplayHorizontalDrawingGridEvery>
<w:DisplayVerticalDrawingGridEvery>0</w:DisplayVerticalDrawingGridEvery>
<w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/>
<w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>
<w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent>
<w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>
<w:Compatibility>
<w:BreakWrappedTables/>
<w:DontGrowAutofit/>
<w:DontAutofitConstrainedTables/>
<w:DontVertAlignInTxbx/>
</w:Compatibility>
</w:WordDocument>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" LatentStyleCount="276">
</w:LatentStyles>
</xml><![endif]-->
<!--[if gte mso 10]>
<style>
/* Style Definitions */
table.MsoNormalTable
{mso-style-name:"Table Normal";
mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0;
mso-tstyle-colband-size:0;
mso-style-noshow:yes;
mso-style-parent:"";
mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt;
mso-para-margin:0in;
mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:12.0pt;
font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-ascii-font-family:Cambria;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;
mso-hansi-font-family:Cambria;
mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;}
</style>
<![endif]-->
<!--StartFragment-->
<!--EndFragment--></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The IRS just imposed a levy on me, for unpaid taxes from
when I owned the salon in 2007.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>That whole thing about not needing to keep tax records more than seven
years?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That’s not really a thing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There is actually no statute of
limitations for the IRS to come after you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Turns out my accountant still had my 2007 records, and I had
paid but misfiled the 2007 taxes, so we’re getting it figured out, but sheesh.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The stress.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And the hours spent on hold.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The hours spent working on finding files, on re-filing the
proper forms.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The feeling that I’m
being accused of being dishonest. <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Whatever.<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My parents are moving.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>My dad got laid off in March, a victim of the low oil prices.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>After the stress of looking for a job
for six months, he finally got an offer. (Yay!)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In Montana.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>(Boo!)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In my whole life, I’ve
lived in a different place than my parents for 4 months.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was in 1996, when I came back to the
states to finish my senior year of highschool and they stayed in Ukraine.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This makes me know that if I could live
away from them when I was seventeen and they were in a whole other country then,
now, as an adult I’ll be fine, but it just sucks to know that I don’t have them
around to bail me out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Especially
as a widow.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They’ve taken up the
slack with things that my husband would have handled.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My dad helps me when my car won’t start.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My mom takes care of me when I’m
sick.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Whatever.<o:p></o:p></i></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Don’t get me wrong.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I know that I have things to be thankful for.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In a few days I think I’ll be able to get to where I can
think about those things.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But right
now, this sucks.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">WHAT-EVER!<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><o:p></o:p></i></b><br />
<h1 class="passage-display" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Verdana, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-weight: 500; line-height: 1.1; margin: 0px 0px 20px; text-align: start;">
<br /></h1>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Isaiah 55:9</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
For just as the heavens are higher than the earth,</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
so my ways are higher than your ways</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.</div>
<div>
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span class="passage-display-bcv" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; display: inline; margin: 0px; padding-right: 10px;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span class="passage-display-bcv" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; display: inline; margin: 0px; padding-right: 10px;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
</div>
Noelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13714541394769902623noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2699042885255346769.post-40531082272835393802015-06-25T00:22:00.000-06:002015-06-25T00:22:30.161-06:00Not So Perfect<div class="MsoNormal">
I bet you guys want an update about my date with Mr.
Perfect.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
He was, alas, not perfect.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I had a perfectly great time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He was perfectly normal.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Handsome.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A
perfectly cool guy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I think that
may be my longest first date on record.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>We went to a baseball game and then after that I did not turn into a
pumpkin (as I normally would) and we went and got something to eat.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He was a perfect gentleman (he got my
car door and he paid).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He didn’t
meet all of my criteria, in fact, he didn’t meet two of my major three.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But, I had such a good time (we never
ran out of things to talk about) that I was willing to overlook my list and try
again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He said he wanted to see me
again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We even talked about
possibilities for this week.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But,
as I write this on Wednesday night, exactly a week after, there has been
perfect radio silence.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So, there
you have it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Easy come, easy go.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
A perfectly ordinary dating story…<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The dude didn’t call, and I have no idea why.*<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>After last weeks’ post, though, he will
join the Spitter<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>in the ranks of
the Attribute Men (whose names I don’t remember) as “Mr. Perfect.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<o:DocumentProperties>
<o:Template>Normal.dotm</o:Template>
<o:Revision>0</o:Revision>
<o:TotalTime>0</o:TotalTime>
<o:Pages>1</o:Pages>
<o:Words>217</o:Words>
<o:Characters>1237</o:Characters>
<o:Company>noel hair studio LTD</o:Company>
<o:Lines>10</o:Lines>
<o:Paragraphs>2</o:Paragraphs>
<o:CharactersWithSpaces>1519</o:CharactersWithSpaces>
<o:Version>12.0</o:Version>
</o:DocumentProperties>
<o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
<o:AllowPNG/>
</o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:WordDocument>
<w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom>
<w:TrackMoves>false</w:TrackMoves>
<w:TrackFormatting/>
<w:PunctuationKerning/>
<w:DrawingGridHorizontalSpacing>18 pt</w:DrawingGridHorizontalSpacing>
<w:DrawingGridVerticalSpacing>18 pt</w:DrawingGridVerticalSpacing>
<w:DisplayHorizontalDrawingGridEvery>0</w:DisplayHorizontalDrawingGridEvery>
<w:DisplayVerticalDrawingGridEvery>0</w:DisplayVerticalDrawingGridEvery>
<w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/>
<w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>
<w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent>
<w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>
<w:Compatibility>
<w:BreakWrappedTables/>
<w:DontGrowAutofit/>
<w:DontAutofitConstrainedTables/>
<w:DontVertAlignInTxbx/>
</w:Compatibility>
</w:WordDocument>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" LatentStyleCount="276">
</w:LatentStyles>
</xml><![endif]-->
<!--[if gte mso 10]>
<style>
/* Style Definitions */
table.MsoNormalTable
{mso-style-name:"Table Normal";
mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0;
mso-tstyle-colband-size:0;
mso-style-noshow:yes;
mso-style-parent:"";
mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt;
mso-para-margin:0in;
mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:12.0pt;
font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-ascii-font-family:Cambria;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;
mso-hansi-font-family:Cambria;
mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;}
</style>
<![endif]-->
<!--StartFragment-->
<span style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">*At least he didn’t kiss
me. There was the one guy last
fall, The Kisser, who, on a <i>first</i> (online)
date (which made this seem forward), kissed me, told me he wanted to see me
again, complimented me on my beauty and the fact that I smelled amazing, and
then I never heard from him again.
And he blocked me on the online dating site that I met him on. I thought, “Huh. Did I drive away weird?"</span><!--EndFragment-->Noelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13714541394769902623noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2699042885255346769.post-9356020132153320802015-06-17T16:06:00.001-06:002015-06-17T16:06:45.925-06:00Mr. Perfect<div class="MsoNormal">
I called it off for good with the Boyfriend a couple of
months ago, and I’ve written a couple of posts about it, but I subscribe to the
Thumper rule of blogging: if you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything
at all.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So, I haven’t posted on
here in awhile.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Tonight I have a date.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It’s a set-up, which doesn’t happen very often, so I know almost nothing
about him, except that he’s safe, since my friends have vetted him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(No friends are going to set me up with
a serial killer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Hopefully.)</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Most of the dates that I go on are with men that I’ve met
online.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>With them, I know what
they want me to know, from our few online conversations, sometimes from phone
conversations, and from their carefully crafted online profiles.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This guy, though, is a perfect stranger.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ll meet him in a couple of hours and
he’ll become a reality, but for now, he’s perfect.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He is attractive (I’ve seen his Facebook photos).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And other than the few things that my
friends told me about him (and I can ignore whatever parts are less than favorable if they dont fit into the fantasy since it's my fantasy, after all) I know very little.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So, I’ve been able to craft my own image of him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have a fantasy about who he’ll be and since I'm fantasizing, why not make him, well, perfect?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I almost don’t
want to meet him.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Tomorrow, either he’ll be some less than perfect version of
reality (they never can be <i>exactly</i> what we dream they’ll be), or he’ll fade
into the list of men that I’ve gone out with once that no longer even have names,
and are just remembered by their strongest attribute (The Short Guy. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The Stutterer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The Slurper.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Or, like the last train wreck from a couple of weeks ago, The
Spitter.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He spit on me no less
than 5 times during our conversation, I lost track.).</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I don't really have my hopes up. But it's been a fun few hours, with it an unknown, it could just workout, you know?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<o:DocumentProperties>
<o:Template>Normal.dotm</o:Template>
<o:Revision>0</o:Revision>
<o:TotalTime>0</o:TotalTime>
<o:Pages>1</o:Pages>
<o:Words>237</o:Words>
<o:Characters>1356</o:Characters>
<o:Company>noel hair studio LTD</o:Company>
<o:Lines>11</o:Lines>
<o:Paragraphs>2</o:Paragraphs>
<o:CharactersWithSpaces>1665</o:CharactersWithSpaces>
<o:Version>12.0</o:Version>
</o:DocumentProperties>
<o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
<o:AllowPNG/>
</o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:WordDocument>
<w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom>
<w:TrackMoves>false</w:TrackMoves>
<w:TrackFormatting/>
<w:PunctuationKerning/>
<w:DrawingGridHorizontalSpacing>18 pt</w:DrawingGridHorizontalSpacing>
<w:DrawingGridVerticalSpacing>18 pt</w:DrawingGridVerticalSpacing>
<w:DisplayHorizontalDrawingGridEvery>0</w:DisplayHorizontalDrawingGridEvery>
<w:DisplayVerticalDrawingGridEvery>0</w:DisplayVerticalDrawingGridEvery>
<w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/>
<w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>
<w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent>
<w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>
<w:Compatibility>
<w:BreakWrappedTables/>
<w:DontGrowAutofit/>
<w:DontAutofitConstrainedTables/>
<w:DontVertAlignInTxbx/>
</w:Compatibility>
</w:WordDocument>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" LatentStyleCount="276">
</w:LatentStyles>
</xml><![endif]-->
<!--[if gte mso 10]>
<style>
/* Style Definitions */
table.MsoNormalTable
{mso-style-name:"Table Normal";
mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0;
mso-tstyle-colband-size:0;
mso-style-noshow:yes;
mso-style-parent:"";
mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt;
mso-para-margin:0in;
mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:12.0pt;
font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-ascii-font-family:Cambria;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;
mso-hansi-font-family:Cambria;
mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;}
</style>
<![endif]-->
<!--StartFragment-->
<!--EndFragment--><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
Wish me luck with Mr. Perfect.</div>
Noelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13714541394769902623noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2699042885255346769.post-82375551371531630052015-05-10T23:37:00.000-06:002015-05-10T23:37:00.469-06:00Complete (A Mother's Day Post for the Child-less)<div class="MsoNormal">
Today is Mother’s Day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It’s one of my Hard Days, as I call them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>One of the days where my face randomly leaks at any given
point.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’m pretty sure I’ve told you guys this, but I feel like I
got “this close” to being a mother before Sawan died.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was ready to try for a baby a long time before he was, and
it took a lot of “discussing” to get him on the same page, but, literally two
weeks before he died, we had this amazing conversation and we decided that we
would start trying as soon as we got the salon sold.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The closing date for the salon was September 1, and he died on
August 24, so I never got the chance.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I have people that ask me, when they find out that I’m a young widow, if
I have children, and when I respond “no” they say that I’m lucky.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I want to punch them in the face.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I feel like I lost my husband, but I lost
my babies, too.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It’s a complicated thing, this being 36 years old and
childless.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I (except for a brief
period in my self-centered twenties) always wanted to be a mom.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was one of those little girls that
carried around a baby doll everywhere I went. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know that I’m not the only woman that is constantly feeling
that it’s almost too late (or maybe it already is and I don’t even know) to be
a mother.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The pressure that that
puts on relationships is ridiculous.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The pressure that it puts on me to <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">be</i>
in a relationship is enormous.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
just stayed in one <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">way</i> too long and one
of the main reasons was that I thought it might be my last chance to have a
family.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Here’s what’s strange about that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When Sawan and I were dating, I was (and still am) this
super strong, stubborn, independent woman.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I made a big deal about not needing him to come and rescue
me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I think that somewhere in the
beginning of our relationship we watched Jerry McGuire on TV and we talked
about how neither of us needed the other one to “complete” us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Gag me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t buy into that line of thinking in
relationships.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He was a soul mate,
for sure, and I loved him with every part of my being, and when I lost him I
felt like I had lost part of myself, but he didn’t complete me. After we were married,
though, I think I somehow bought in to the world’s idea of what a woman should
want and be.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I read all of the
sappy quotes about how you’ll never know true love until you have a child.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I thought I needed a child to know how
to really love.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I thought I needed
a child to complete me.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It’s taken a long time, but I’ve finally come to the
realization that that way of thinking is so wrong.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You know, this may be “it” for my life, and that’s ok.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I guess I’ve just realized that for
now, I’m as complete a person as I’m supposed to be.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m as complete a “lover” as I’m supposed to be (at least at
this moment).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If I was </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
supposed to know how to love like a mother, then I would be
a mother. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Don’t get me wrong.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It is my heart’s deepest desire to find another love, to have again the
kind of man that I can imagine being on a team with for the rest of my
life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And then, to get to have a
little person grow inside me, to get to hold a tiny baby that has half my DNA,
to get to teach them all about life, to hear someone call me “Mommy.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I hardly ever spend much time thinking
about it because it hurts so bad knowing the dream may never come true.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I think that there are lots of women out there who feel
similarly to me, who, for whatever reason, have not had life turn out the way
that they thought it would.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If
you’re one of those women and you’re reading this, to you I say, “Don’t buy
into it!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You’re a whole person
just as you are!”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And, who knows?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I may still get to be a mom.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>All of those dreams could still come true.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But if not (or until then), I’m going to practice being the
best lover of people that I can possibly be.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m going to love with all of the love I know how to love
with.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
On this Mother’s Day, I’m thinking about how I get to love
on my siblings’ and cousins’ and friends’ kiddos.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I get to be “Auntie” and “Tia” and, sometimes just “Noey”
(it’s awesome when I get to be “Noey” and the kids have to call all the other
adults a formal “Miss So-and-So”).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I get to be a daughter to an awesome, still living Mom, whom I actually
really like (and got to spend Mother’s Day with today, don’t think I don’t appreciate
how special that is).</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">I don’t need a child
to complete me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m whole and
complete, just as I am. </b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(It
sure would be nice, though.)</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<o:DocumentProperties>
<o:Template>Normal.dotm</o:Template>
<o:Revision>0</o:Revision>
<o:TotalTime>0</o:TotalTime>
<o:Pages>1</o:Pages>
<o:Words>637</o:Words>
<o:Characters>3635</o:Characters>
<o:Company>noel hair studio LTD</o:Company>
<o:Lines>30</o:Lines>
<o:Paragraphs>7</o:Paragraphs>
<o:CharactersWithSpaces>4464</o:CharactersWithSpaces>
<o:Version>12.0</o:Version>
</o:DocumentProperties>
<o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
<o:AllowPNG/>
</o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:WordDocument>
<w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom>
<w:TrackMoves>false</w:TrackMoves>
<w:TrackFormatting/>
<w:PunctuationKerning/>
<w:DrawingGridHorizontalSpacing>18 pt</w:DrawingGridHorizontalSpacing>
<w:DrawingGridVerticalSpacing>18 pt</w:DrawingGridVerticalSpacing>
<w:DisplayHorizontalDrawingGridEvery>0</w:DisplayHorizontalDrawingGridEvery>
<w:DisplayVerticalDrawingGridEvery>0</w:DisplayVerticalDrawingGridEvery>
<w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/>
<w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>
<w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent>
<w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>
<w:Compatibility>
<w:BreakWrappedTables/>
<w:DontGrowAutofit/>
<w:DontAutofitConstrainedTables/>
<w:DontVertAlignInTxbx/>
</w:Compatibility>
</w:WordDocument>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" LatentStyleCount="276">
</w:LatentStyles>
</xml><![endif]-->
<!--[if gte mso 10]>
<style>
/* Style Definitions */
table.MsoNormalTable
{mso-style-name:"Table Normal";
mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0;
mso-tstyle-colband-size:0;
mso-style-noshow:yes;
mso-style-parent:"";
mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt;
mso-para-margin:0in;
mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:12.0pt;
font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-ascii-font-family:Cambria;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;
mso-hansi-font-family:Cambria;
mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;}
</style>
<![endif]-->
<!--StartFragment-->
<!--EndFragment--><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
Noelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13714541394769902623noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2699042885255346769.post-9052339035135377282015-03-29T10:41:00.000-06:002015-03-29T10:41:01.931-06:00Breaking Up is Hard to Do...<div class="MsoNormal">
After writing that last post, I’ve been AWOL for a
month.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I haven’t quite known what
to say.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You see, two days after I
wrote that, I broke up with the Big Strong Man.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Since I had just talked about him on the blog, and <s>I was
hoping </s>we were thinking we might get back together, I didn’t know what to
say on here about anything.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Especially since I knew he would be checking the blog.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So, here’s what I will say:</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
He’s a great guy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I’m just not sure that he’s the right guy for me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The jury’s still out, but in the mean
time, I don’t like not writing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>So, you guys will have to be as up in the air as I am about the
relationship, but now that I’ve addressed that I feel like I can write about
other stuff.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Phew.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Feels
good to get that off my chest.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Ah, relationships are tricky.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And I still haven’t figured out how to handle relationships
and blogging.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I wish the blog was
a secret (ooh, which reminds me of a funny story about when I started dating
the Big Strong Man and the blog…I’ll tell you later.) and I didn’t have to
worry about him seeing it, so I could do all of the processing on here that I
wanted.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But, it’s not a secret,
and he’s alive and well and can read all of this stuff.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So I have to be careful not to hurt
feelings.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Ugh.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<o:DocumentProperties>
<o:Template>Normal.dotm</o:Template>
<o:Revision>0</o:Revision>
<o:TotalTime>0</o:TotalTime>
<o:Pages>1</o:Pages>
<o:Words>182</o:Words>
<o:Characters>1039</o:Characters>
<o:Company>noel hair studio LTD</o:Company>
<o:Lines>8</o:Lines>
<o:Paragraphs>2</o:Paragraphs>
<o:CharactersWithSpaces>1275</o:CharactersWithSpaces>
<o:Version>12.0</o:Version>
</o:DocumentProperties>
<o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
<o:AllowPNG/>
</o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:WordDocument>
<w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom>
<w:TrackMoves>false</w:TrackMoves>
<w:TrackFormatting/>
<w:PunctuationKerning/>
<w:DrawingGridHorizontalSpacing>18 pt</w:DrawingGridHorizontalSpacing>
<w:DrawingGridVerticalSpacing>18 pt</w:DrawingGridVerticalSpacing>
<w:DisplayHorizontalDrawingGridEvery>0</w:DisplayHorizontalDrawingGridEvery>
<w:DisplayVerticalDrawingGridEvery>0</w:DisplayVerticalDrawingGridEvery>
<w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/>
<w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>
<w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent>
<w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>
<w:Compatibility>
<w:BreakWrappedTables/>
<w:DontGrowAutofit/>
<w:DontAutofitConstrainedTables/>
<w:DontVertAlignInTxbx/>
</w:Compatibility>
</w:WordDocument>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" LatentStyleCount="276">
</w:LatentStyles>
</xml><![endif]-->
<!--[if gte mso 10]>
<style>
/* Style Definitions */
table.MsoNormalTable
{mso-style-name:"Table Normal";
mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0;
mso-tstyle-colband-size:0;
mso-style-noshow:yes;
mso-style-parent:"";
mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt;
mso-para-margin:0in;
mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:12.0pt;
font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-ascii-font-family:Cambria;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;
mso-hansi-font-family:Cambria;
mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;}
</style>
<![endif]-->
<!--StartFragment-->
<!--EndFragment--><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
Noelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13714541394769902623noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2699042885255346769.post-68331360238782939372015-02-27T12:34:00.000-07:002015-02-27T12:34:49.704-07:00"Colorado Babe"<div class="MsoNormal">
I’m sitting in one of my favorite little coffee spots in
downtown Denver, the Market on Larimer Square.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m just doing a little people watching and remembering all
of the different people I’ve sat here with in all of the different phases of
life.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Really, I’m thrilled just to be out of the house.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ve had the crud for the last two
weeks. Solid.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ve been
disgusting.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You know how it is,
pink, drippy nose and low, almost-sexy-voice-but-not-really-who-am-I-kidding?,
because of a deep cough.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And
though my sleep numbers on my “misfit” (read that- poor man’s fitbit- it tracks
sleep and number of steps) are <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">AWESOME</i>
right now, my steps seem to be sadly lacking (yesterday was the first time I’d
hit my goal in the whole of the last 14 days).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What I’m trying to say is, cabin fever had truly set in, so
when I had the opportunity to join my Big Strong Man downtown while he went to
a meeting, sit in a coffee shop and then join him for lunch, I jumped at it!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It’s been snowing for the last several days, it’s as though
Denver finally remembered that it’s winter.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ve loved our weather this winter.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s been pretty mild, with lots of 60
and 70-degree days, and a few actual <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">winter
days</i> sprinkled in, (you know, with snow and cold).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I love it when it gets cold; it gives
me a chance to dress in what I call my “Colorado Babe get-up”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have Sorrell boots for the first time
this year, and a Patagonia down sweater parka, a cute wool scarf and gloves
that my sisters picked for me on a trip to New Zealand, and two super cute
beanies that were literally custom made for me by a client.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What could be better?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It also gives me a chance to make lots of yummy soups.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In the last two weeks I’ve made a
Potato Soup, a Beef Stew, Cajun Red Beans and Rice, and Homemade Chicken and
Dumplings.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m cooking again, or
maybe this is the first time in my life?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I don’t really remember, but the kitchen in the Pinkhouse is actually
getting used and I’m not afraid of using Sawan’s kitchen stuff (that was a
problem for awhile) and I’m really, really enjoying it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I love how cozy my little house feels
when I’ve had soup bubbling on the stove all day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<o:DocumentProperties>
<o:Template>Normal.dotm</o:Template>
<o:Revision>0</o:Revision>
<o:TotalTime>0</o:TotalTime>
<o:Pages>1</o:Pages>
<o:Words>333</o:Words>
<o:Characters>1899</o:Characters>
<o:Company>noel hair studio LTD</o:Company>
<o:Lines>15</o:Lines>
<o:Paragraphs>3</o:Paragraphs>
<o:CharactersWithSpaces>2332</o:CharactersWithSpaces>
<o:Version>12.0</o:Version>
</o:DocumentProperties>
<o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
<o:AllowPNG/>
</o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:WordDocument>
<w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom>
<w:TrackMoves>false</w:TrackMoves>
<w:TrackFormatting/>
<w:PunctuationKerning/>
<w:DrawingGridHorizontalSpacing>18 pt</w:DrawingGridHorizontalSpacing>
<w:DrawingGridVerticalSpacing>18 pt</w:DrawingGridVerticalSpacing>
<w:DisplayHorizontalDrawingGridEvery>0</w:DisplayHorizontalDrawingGridEvery>
<w:DisplayVerticalDrawingGridEvery>0</w:DisplayVerticalDrawingGridEvery>
<w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/>
<w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>
<w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent>
<w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>
<w:Compatibility>
<w:BreakWrappedTables/>
<w:DontGrowAutofit/>
<w:DontAutofitConstrainedTables/>
<w:DontVertAlignInTxbx/>
</w:Compatibility>
</w:WordDocument>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" LatentStyleCount="276">
</w:LatentStyles>
</xml><![endif]-->
<!--[if gte mso 10]>
<style>
/* Style Definitions */
table.MsoNormalTable
{mso-style-name:"Table Normal";
mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0;
mso-tstyle-colband-size:0;
mso-style-noshow:yes;
mso-style-parent:"";
mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt;
mso-para-margin:0in;
mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:12.0pt;
font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-ascii-font-family:Cambria;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;
mso-hansi-font-family:Cambria;
mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;}
</style>
<![endif]-->
<!--StartFragment-->
<!--EndFragment--><br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhbAeebO0yDgBmCkkV1Vk9LDX-8UrzSwU6VS8HwBMkW1Rd9MvX3chcbe6Kfxl7uHNjj80z5qsfmDtHJ06tex_6dbHhuJHA-6L0Rzv1zEPzjr6bIcOMZIiQhWCzq2B46kEIjizK_FvGsNg/s1600/IMG_1695.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhbAeebO0yDgBmCkkV1Vk9LDX-8UrzSwU6VS8HwBMkW1Rd9MvX3chcbe6Kfxl7uHNjj80z5qsfmDtHJ06tex_6dbHhuJHA-6L0Rzv1zEPzjr6bIcOMZIiQhWCzq2B46kEIjizK_FvGsNg/s1600/IMG_1695.JPG" height="320" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Standing on the platform in 15 degree weather to ride the lightrail downtown. Burr.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So overall, even though I’ve been slightly yucky feeling and
gross, I’m loving life and I’m happy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Just thought I’d check in and let you all know.</div>
Noelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13714541394769902623noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2699042885255346769.post-45601719107263521492015-02-16T10:49:00.003-07:002015-02-16T10:49:48.058-07:00Shoplifting<div class="MsoNormal">
I wrote this last week and forgot to post....</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This week, for the first time in my life, I shoplifted.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yep.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I did.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was
premeditated.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I stole.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I use Tide laundry detergent, and even though I’m a single
woman, I buy the big ass container at Costco.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Somehow, I either lost the little plastic cup to measure the
detergent, or never got one.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So
when I was at Costco this week I went down that aisle just to steal a plastic
cup.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I looked around to see if
anyone was looking, and when no one was, I stuck the little cup in my purse.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Now, I’m the kind of person that if I realize that I didn’t
pay for the soda on the bottom rack of my cart at Target, I go back in to pay
for it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m over-the-top honest
about stuff like that.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But, for some reason, I’m annoyed at Tide or Costco that I
haven’t been able to properly do laundry for the last several months, and so I
feel that they owe me a plastic cup.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Plus, if I knew how to buy just the plastic cup then I would have done
so already.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So, laundry today felt like sweet success.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No more eyeballing it for me, I stole
what I needed, and I didn’t get caught. I’m not feeling even the least bit
guilty about it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<o:DocumentProperties>
<o:Template>Normal.dotm</o:Template>
<o:Revision>0</o:Revision>
<o:TotalTime>0</o:TotalTime>
<o:Pages>1</o:Pages>
<o:Words>178</o:Words>
<o:Characters>1018</o:Characters>
<o:Company>noel hair studio LTD</o:Company>
<o:Lines>8</o:Lines>
<o:Paragraphs>2</o:Paragraphs>
<o:CharactersWithSpaces>1250</o:CharactersWithSpaces>
<o:Version>12.0</o:Version>
</o:DocumentProperties>
<o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
<o:AllowPNG/>
</o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:WordDocument>
<w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom>
<w:TrackMoves>false</w:TrackMoves>
<w:TrackFormatting/>
<w:PunctuationKerning/>
<w:DrawingGridHorizontalSpacing>18 pt</w:DrawingGridHorizontalSpacing>
<w:DrawingGridVerticalSpacing>18 pt</w:DrawingGridVerticalSpacing>
<w:DisplayHorizontalDrawingGridEvery>0</w:DisplayHorizontalDrawingGridEvery>
<w:DisplayVerticalDrawingGridEvery>0</w:DisplayVerticalDrawingGridEvery>
<w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/>
<w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>
<w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent>
<w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>
<w:Compatibility>
<w:BreakWrappedTables/>
<w:DontGrowAutofit/>
<w:DontAutofitConstrainedTables/>
<w:DontVertAlignInTxbx/>
</w:Compatibility>
</w:WordDocument>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" LatentStyleCount="276">
</w:LatentStyles>
</xml><![endif]-->
<!--[if gte mso 10]>
<style>
/* Style Definitions */
table.MsoNormalTable
{mso-style-name:"Table Normal";
mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0;
mso-tstyle-colband-size:0;
mso-style-noshow:yes;
mso-style-parent:"";
mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt;
mso-para-margin:0in;
mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:12.0pt;
font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-ascii-font-family:Cambria;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;
mso-hansi-font-family:Cambria;
mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;}
</style>
<![endif]-->
<!--StartFragment-->
<!--EndFragment--><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
It’s been a slow week around here, when all I have to tell
you about is stealing a laundry measuring cup….</div>
Noelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13714541394769902623noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2699042885255346769.post-6925725456183809002015-02-03T22:35:00.000-07:002015-02-04T09:48:41.799-07:002014 in Six Words<div class="MsoNormal">
I think I’ll take a quick minute to fill you in on what I’ve
been up to for the last year or so.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
2014 was a pretty great year.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Winter highlights:</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<o:DocumentProperties>
<o:Template>Normal.dotm</o:Template>
<o:Revision>0</o:Revision>
<o:TotalTime>0</o:TotalTime>
<o:Pages>1</o:Pages>
<o:Words>53</o:Words>
<o:Characters>307</o:Characters>
<o:Company>noel hair studio LTD</o:Company>
<o:Lines>2</o:Lines>
<o:Paragraphs>1</o:Paragraphs>
<o:CharactersWithSpaces>377</o:CharactersWithSpaces>
<o:Version>12.0</o:Version>
</o:DocumentProperties>
<o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
<o:AllowPNG/>
</o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:WordDocument>
<w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom>
<w:TrackMoves>false</w:TrackMoves>
<w:TrackFormatting/>
<w:PunctuationKerning/>
<w:DrawingGridHorizontalSpacing>18 pt</w:DrawingGridHorizontalSpacing>
<w:DrawingGridVerticalSpacing>18 pt</w:DrawingGridVerticalSpacing>
<w:DisplayHorizontalDrawingGridEvery>0</w:DisplayHorizontalDrawingGridEvery>
<w:DisplayVerticalDrawingGridEvery>0</w:DisplayVerticalDrawingGridEvery>
<w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/>
<w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>
<w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent>
<w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>
<w:Compatibility>
<w:BreakWrappedTables/>
<w:DontGrowAutofit/>
<w:DontAutofitConstrainedTables/>
<w:DontVertAlignInTxbx/>
</w:Compatibility>
</w:WordDocument>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" LatentStyleCount="276">
</w:LatentStyles>
</xml><![endif]-->
<!--[if gte mso 10]>
<style>
/* Style Definitions */
table.MsoNormalTable
{mso-style-name:"Table Normal";
mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0;
mso-tstyle-colband-size:0;
mso-style-noshow:yes;
mso-style-parent:"";
mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt;
mso-para-margin:0in;
mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:12.0pt;
font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-ascii-font-family:Cambria;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;
mso-hansi-font-family:Cambria;
mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;}
</style>
<![endif]-->
<!--StartFragment-->
<!--EndFragment--></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I got out of town twice.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The first trip was to Arizona to watch my dad participate in
Colorado Rockies Fantasy Camp.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It’s always so much fun to watch him play baseball, to enjoy the awesome
weather, and to meet some of the old players.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Would you guess that Ryan Spillbourghs, (read that, Noey’s
pretend Rockies Boyfriend after Matt Holliday) is actually kind of shy?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br /></span></div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiW-Jg0bAwYq3CKBsJePz55VSNAf4I04xUoB6ICULbHXdm57oMd-6aWF6LpLOBE3GK5hPvY_Y4r78cYjzlTmvopEkiXddSB06XHal1M4jAmcKbFfksne-bHfP-S_zmC2apOYhLpJH0bWA/s1600/IMG_0699.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiW-Jg0bAwYq3CKBsJePz55VSNAf4I04xUoB6ICULbHXdm57oMd-6aWF6LpLOBE3GK5hPvY_Y4r78cYjzlTmvopEkiXddSB06XHal1M4jAmcKbFfksne-bHfP-S_zmC2apOYhLpJH0bWA/s1600/IMG_0699.jpg" height="150" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Ellie and I watching a game</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgIzsF-gGxq-0UGEwkIll75YFDq-SoGt6dmgPbTvoXbubAuKgOtKvPjuVwQKhT3HvTTagDDsQqr-V_djFFfoqTObLkVWRNDWoyGaEf5W7RP3zRB8s4npGUwSkCzPWEyiuJfyBB8iY2QxA/s1600/IMG_0698.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgIzsF-gGxq-0UGEwkIll75YFDq-SoGt6dmgPbTvoXbubAuKgOtKvPjuVwQKhT3HvTTagDDsQqr-V_djFFfoqTObLkVWRNDWoyGaEf5W7RP3zRB8s4npGUwSkCzPWEyiuJfyBB8iY2QxA/s1600/IMG_0698.JPG" height="200" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Dad in catching the game</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6BhleCN1eHiJLoTJNYjGzQ4EsfVeAmyzZ1wUEGHiVJZe8WabgCMORYBh-TwnAJa6GXbt_f18DFBeR6RVk1F6eEPrO5SzM_bJjWa5bO1yFLEVep8FzQpJAKa7Xo_JYrdDagMDuslBpWw/s1600/IMG_0731.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6BhleCN1eHiJLoTJNYjGzQ4EsfVeAmyzZ1wUEGHiVJZe8WabgCMORYBh-TwnAJa6GXbt_f18DFBeR6RVk1F6eEPrO5SzM_bJjWa5bO1yFLEVep8FzQpJAKa7Xo_JYrdDagMDuslBpWw/s1600/IMG_0731.JPG" height="200" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">shade, a book and a dirty monkey=heaven</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The second trip was Mexico, baby!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I try to go once a year, and it used to be a “Girls Trip”
but this time my dad wanted to crash and so we decided to let him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Even though I was 35 years old, he was
still Protective Dad and didn’t want to let me run on the beach by myself (I
was regretting deciding to let him join us on our trip) but, the compromise was
that he would either workout in the workout room with me or go for a run on the
beach with me, and that ended up being one of the biggest highlights of the
vacation for me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I wasn’t much of
an athlete until about oh, four years ago (ok, still not an athlete, just
pretend like I am with a 45 minute run 5 days a week), and he was not in the
best of shape for most of my adult life, but started working out regularly about two years ago, so if you had told me five years ago
that the highlight of my Mexico vacation would be working out with my dad, I
think I would have fallen over laughing at how preposterous that was for both
of us.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Spring/Summer:</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<o:DocumentProperties>
<o:Template>Normal.dotm</o:Template>
<o:Revision>0</o:Revision>
<o:TotalTime>0</o:TotalTime>
<o:Pages>1</o:Pages>
<o:Words>22</o:Words>
<o:Characters>127</o:Characters>
<o:Company>noel hair studio LTD</o:Company>
<o:Lines>1</o:Lines>
<o:Paragraphs>1</o:Paragraphs>
<o:CharactersWithSpaces>155</o:CharactersWithSpaces>
<o:Version>12.0</o:Version>
</o:DocumentProperties>
<o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
<o:AllowPNG/>
</o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:WordDocument>
<w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom>
<w:TrackMoves>false</w:TrackMoves>
<w:TrackFormatting/>
<w:PunctuationKerning/>
<w:DrawingGridHorizontalSpacing>18 pt</w:DrawingGridHorizontalSpacing>
<w:DrawingGridVerticalSpacing>18 pt</w:DrawingGridVerticalSpacing>
<w:DisplayHorizontalDrawingGridEvery>0</w:DisplayHorizontalDrawingGridEvery>
<w:DisplayVerticalDrawingGridEvery>0</w:DisplayVerticalDrawingGridEvery>
<w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/>
<w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>
<w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent>
<w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>
<w:Compatibility>
<w:BreakWrappedTables/>
<w:DontGrowAutofit/>
<w:DontAutofitConstrainedTables/>
<w:DontVertAlignInTxbx/>
</w:Compatibility>
</w:WordDocument>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" LatentStyleCount="276">
</w:LatentStyles>
</xml><![endif]-->
<!--[if gte mso 10]>
<style>
/* Style Definitions */
table.MsoNormalTable
{mso-style-name:"Table Normal";
mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0;
mso-tstyle-colband-size:0;
mso-style-noshow:yes;
mso-style-parent:"";
mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt;
mso-para-margin:0in;
mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:12.0pt;
font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-ascii-font-family:Cambria;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;
mso-hansi-font-family:Cambria;
mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;}
</style>
<![endif]-->
<!--StartFragment-->
<!--EndFragment--></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
If I had any spare time in the spring or summer of 2014, it
was either spent watching the Rockies lose, or in the yard at the Pinkhouse.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<o:DocumentProperties>
<o:Template>Normal.dotm</o:Template>
<o:Revision>0</o:Revision>
<o:TotalTime>0</o:TotalTime>
<o:Pages>1</o:Pages>
<o:Words>136</o:Words>
<o:Characters>776</o:Characters>
<o:Company>noel hair studio LTD</o:Company>
<o:Lines>6</o:Lines>
<o:Paragraphs>1</o:Paragraphs>
<o:CharactersWithSpaces>952</o:CharactersWithSpaces>
<o:Version>12.0</o:Version>
</o:DocumentProperties>
<o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
<o:AllowPNG/>
</o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:WordDocument>
<w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom>
<w:TrackMoves>false</w:TrackMoves>
<w:TrackFormatting/>
<w:PunctuationKerning/>
<w:DrawingGridHorizontalSpacing>18 pt</w:DrawingGridHorizontalSpacing>
<w:DrawingGridVerticalSpacing>18 pt</w:DrawingGridVerticalSpacing>
<w:DisplayHorizontalDrawingGridEvery>0</w:DisplayHorizontalDrawingGridEvery>
<w:DisplayVerticalDrawingGridEvery>0</w:DisplayVerticalDrawingGridEvery>
<w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/>
<w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>
<w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent>
<w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>
<w:Compatibility>
<w:BreakWrappedTables/>
<w:DontGrowAutofit/>
<w:DontAutofitConstrainedTables/>
<w:DontVertAlignInTxbx/>
</w:Compatibility>
</w:WordDocument>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" LatentStyleCount="276">
</w:LatentStyles>
</xml><![endif]-->
<!--[if gte mso 10]>
<style>
/* Style Definitions */
table.MsoNormalTable
{mso-style-name:"Table Normal";
mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0;
mso-tstyle-colband-size:0;
mso-style-noshow:yes;
mso-style-parent:"";
mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt;
mso-para-margin:0in;
mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:12.0pt;
font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-ascii-font-family:Cambria;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;
mso-hansi-font-family:Cambria;
mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;}
</style>
<![endif]-->
<!--StartFragment-->
<!--EndFragment--></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhcG8ko_VJ9IPIZ01-o-11zB7kCISE-mfkRk26JlAlmlw-CinNByoqA4D14aUwhY8XB9WiK4sLvQWXlwQituzNF2hVZYhbXrTjN1y3RFKe-3Bmj5hOTSmnVfTlzqro1qUStXUuvhsGMGg/s1600/IMG_0855.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhcG8ko_VJ9IPIZ01-o-11zB7kCISE-mfkRk26JlAlmlw-CinNByoqA4D14aUwhY8XB9WiK4sLvQWXlwQituzNF2hVZYhbXrTjN1y3RFKe-3Bmj5hOTSmnVfTlzqro1qUStXUuvhsGMGg/s1600/IMG_0855.jpg" height="240" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Rockies game with one of my favorite parts of 2014, my new friend Mary Kate. She's ducking down in this photo. In real life she's 6'1" of awesomeness.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p><br /></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p><br /></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p>
<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<o:DocumentProperties>
<o:Template>Normal.dotm</o:Template>
<o:Revision>0</o:Revision>
<o:TotalTime>0</o:TotalTime>
<o:Pages>1</o:Pages>
<o:Words>168</o:Words>
<o:Characters>959</o:Characters>
<o:Company>noel hair studio LTD</o:Company>
<o:Lines>7</o:Lines>
<o:Paragraphs>1</o:Paragraphs>
<o:CharactersWithSpaces>1177</o:CharactersWithSpaces>
<o:Version>12.0</o:Version>
</o:DocumentProperties>
<o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
<o:AllowPNG/>
</o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:WordDocument>
<w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom>
<w:TrackMoves>false</w:TrackMoves>
<w:TrackFormatting/>
<w:PunctuationKerning/>
<w:DrawingGridHorizontalSpacing>18 pt</w:DrawingGridHorizontalSpacing>
<w:DrawingGridVerticalSpacing>18 pt</w:DrawingGridVerticalSpacing>
<w:DisplayHorizontalDrawingGridEvery>0</w:DisplayHorizontalDrawingGridEvery>
<w:DisplayVerticalDrawingGridEvery>0</w:DisplayVerticalDrawingGridEvery>
<w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/>
<w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>
<w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent>
<w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>
<w:Compatibility>
<w:BreakWrappedTables/>
<w:DontGrowAutofit/>
<w:DontAutofitConstrainedTables/>
<w:DontVertAlignInTxbx/>
</w:Compatibility>
</w:WordDocument>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" LatentStyleCount="276">
</w:LatentStyles>
</xml><![endif]-->
<!--[if gte mso 10]>
<style>
/* Style Definitions */
table.MsoNormalTable
{mso-style-name:"Table Normal";
mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0;
mso-tstyle-colband-size:0;
mso-style-noshow:yes;
mso-style-parent:"";
mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt;
mso-para-margin:0in;
mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:12.0pt;
font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-ascii-font-family:Cambria;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;
mso-hansi-font-family:Cambria;
mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;}
</style>
<![endif]-->
<!--StartFragment-->
<!--EndFragment--></o:p></div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4oBwmfuRZBAwkoHj8mOzuZZVTSdSimAuokCZorJyINIjq10Di2xXcbFbAVAZvh3Zd3k5JrhMVbZjTSWEluLE77AaYbm-FNKqSSfnNPBbG6JaXqmQ83n59bHNGnkNWOV78UdpT4WA6Vg/s1600/IMG_0845.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4oBwmfuRZBAwkoHj8mOzuZZVTSdSimAuokCZorJyINIjq10Di2xXcbFbAVAZvh3Zd3k5JrhMVbZjTSWEluLE77AaYbm-FNKqSSfnNPBbG6JaXqmQ83n59bHNGnkNWOV78UdpT4WA6Vg/s1600/IMG_0845.JPG" height="200" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Literally a $hit-ton. Free compost.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Let’s talk about the part of that last sentence that’s more
fun than sad.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I completely
re-landscaped my front and back yards.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>We’re talkin’, I completely tilled up all of the weeds and grass, laid
sod and a sprinkler system, and xerescaped the front so that it’s now xeric
flowering plants.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I did it all by
myself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not really.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had lots of help from my Mom, both in
the design department and in practical help.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My brother pretty much did the sprinkler and sod, and then
random friends (even my baby sister who never likes to help came more than one
day and participated!) helped out both in practical ways (tilling, digging,
laying out sod) and just in encouragement (stopping by with me filthy from head
to toe and enjoying turkey burgers and beer post-workday).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was such a huge project though, that
it had already snowed once before I got the final tarp with the materials moved
from the front of my house.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In my
vanity I have to admit that my favorite part of the Pinkhouse’s makeover was
the makeover to my bod- everyone was asking what I was doing to get the muscle
tone in my arms.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I told them
manual labor (hauling gravel around is heav-y!).</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiUWv9rw9h715v2Eem1Jpt67758WFWB2uiEYzvYwonanbiUJoJrvnILyMWGMG7MkP23QwB9j69AoVxNcM3-3lQTPdRgij_gDKMW7cZctb_HvJpAGAJOcrC3Zv2PAX02kr_nBJZgwajBaw/s1600/IMG_4638.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiUWv9rw9h715v2Eem1Jpt67758WFWB2uiEYzvYwonanbiUJoJrvnILyMWGMG7MkP23QwB9j69AoVxNcM3-3lQTPdRgij_gDKMW7cZctb_HvJpAGAJOcrC3Zv2PAX02kr_nBJZgwajBaw/s1600/IMG_4638.jpg" height="320" width="212" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Before. Weeds.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNpYoJ6ao8WZ82dBNgNUHUgu_-TS2l3XltRXFm0rYkcZN_VHMLYNyEOdWGQ1YP8jK8IAfUCTIfp6Tzwj3gGRm6u7b3ffkzDCEzavqzxtKD06OhkDyvZDUfwsItZ80uS-CQq7-pGfk3tQ/s1600/IMG_4657.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNpYoJ6ao8WZ82dBNgNUHUgu_-TS2l3XltRXFm0rYkcZN_VHMLYNyEOdWGQ1YP8jK8IAfUCTIfp6Tzwj3gGRm6u7b3ffkzDCEzavqzxtKD06OhkDyvZDUfwsItZ80uS-CQq7-pGfk3tQ/s1600/IMG_4657.jpg" height="320" width="213" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">After. Gabe watering the sod.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<o:DocumentProperties>
<o:Template>Normal.dotm</o:Template>
<o:Revision>0</o:Revision>
<o:TotalTime>0</o:TotalTime>
<o:Pages>1</o:Pages>
<o:Words>127</o:Words>
<o:Characters>724</o:Characters>
<o:Company>noel hair studio LTD</o:Company>
<o:Lines>6</o:Lines>
<o:Paragraphs>1</o:Paragraphs>
<o:CharactersWithSpaces>889</o:CharactersWithSpaces>
<o:Version>12.0</o:Version>
</o:DocumentProperties>
<o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
<o:AllowPNG/>
</o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:WordDocument>
<w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom>
<w:TrackMoves>false</w:TrackMoves>
<w:TrackFormatting/>
<w:PunctuationKerning/>
<w:DrawingGridHorizontalSpacing>18 pt</w:DrawingGridHorizontalSpacing>
<w:DrawingGridVerticalSpacing>18 pt</w:DrawingGridVerticalSpacing>
<w:DisplayHorizontalDrawingGridEvery>0</w:DisplayHorizontalDrawingGridEvery>
<w:DisplayVerticalDrawingGridEvery>0</w:DisplayVerticalDrawingGridEvery>
<w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/>
<w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>
<w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent>
<w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>
<w:Compatibility>
<w:BreakWrappedTables/>
<w:DontGrowAutofit/>
<w:DontAutofitConstrainedTables/>
<w:DontVertAlignInTxbx/>
</w:Compatibility>
</w:WordDocument>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" LatentStyleCount="276">
</w:LatentStyles>
</xml><![endif]-->
<!--[if gte mso 10]>
<style>
/* Style Definitions */
table.MsoNormalTable
{mso-style-name:"Table Normal";
mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0;
mso-tstyle-colband-size:0;
mso-style-noshow:yes;
mso-style-parent:"";
mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt;
mso-para-margin:0in;
mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:12.0pt;
font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-ascii-font-family:Cambria;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;
mso-hansi-font-family:Cambria;
mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;}
</style>
<![endif]-->
<!--StartFragment-->
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
Fall/Winter:</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In September I half-ass quit smoking. It was just time to say goodbye, I had
decided. But I kept smoking every
four or five days. You know, just
for fun <s>and to make myself completely crazy</s>. I quit for real in November (as in, I haven’t had a
cigarette since November…*sigh*).
I miss it. It was one of my
favorite things, like one of my best friends. It was surprisingly linked to comfort in grief. I find that since I’m not taking that
few minutes for myself, especially at the end of the day, I’m not talking to
Sawan like I used to. I miss that,
too. I would always talk to him
with the last cigarette of the day.
But, I don’t know, maybe it was time to say goodbye to that as well.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Also in November, I met a man. Well, I meet lots of men, but this seems remarkable because
I found one that for now I want to spend quite a bit of quality time with.</div>
<!--EndFragment--><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p><br /></o:p></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgyHiR_ma3NWkVMLazCMWm0jO54CUvLamcFcv2dgXZmgZ-OQN0KvmU8oLzS2AsmZfy_fdQXNShNXdWvotrnbvfqdmAtErmUEK8kTkbJKRuCP9IcpGJxWE4qat1wU3mYklHBgGq4-KfuXA/s1600/IMG_1590.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgyHiR_ma3NWkVMLazCMWm0jO54CUvLamcFcv2dgXZmgZ-OQN0KvmU8oLzS2AsmZfy_fdQXNShNXdWvotrnbvfqdmAtErmUEK8kTkbJKRuCP9IcpGJxWE4qat1wU3mYklHBgGq4-KfuXA/s1600/IMG_1590.JPG" height="200" width="200" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And that pretty much hits the major points.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My year in a nutshell.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I could have done it in fewer
words:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><b>Mexico, Baseball, Yard,
Quit Smoking, Dating.</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Ta-Da!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not a
bad list of words right there.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Now that I’ve caught you up on what’s been going on in my
life in 6 words, I’m not really sure what I’m going to write about next….</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<o:DocumentProperties>
<o:Template>Normal.dotm</o:Template>
<o:Revision>0</o:Revision>
<o:TotalTime>0</o:TotalTime>
<o:Pages>1</o:Pages>
<o:Words>48</o:Words>
<o:Characters>278</o:Characters>
<o:Company>noel hair studio LTD</o:Company>
<o:Lines>2</o:Lines>
<o:Paragraphs>1</o:Paragraphs>
<o:CharactersWithSpaces>341</o:CharactersWithSpaces>
<o:Version>12.0</o:Version>
</o:DocumentProperties>
<o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
<o:AllowPNG/>
</o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:WordDocument>
<w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom>
<w:TrackMoves>false</w:TrackMoves>
<w:TrackFormatting/>
<w:PunctuationKerning/>
<w:DrawingGridHorizontalSpacing>18 pt</w:DrawingGridHorizontalSpacing>
<w:DrawingGridVerticalSpacing>18 pt</w:DrawingGridVerticalSpacing>
<w:DisplayHorizontalDrawingGridEvery>0</w:DisplayHorizontalDrawingGridEvery>
<w:DisplayVerticalDrawingGridEvery>0</w:DisplayVerticalDrawingGridEvery>
<w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/>
<w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>
<w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent>
<w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>
<w:Compatibility>
<w:BreakWrappedTables/>
<w:DontGrowAutofit/>
<w:DontAutofitConstrainedTables/>
<w:DontVertAlignInTxbx/>
</w:Compatibility>
</w:WordDocument>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" LatentStyleCount="276">
</w:LatentStyles>
</xml><![endif]-->
<!--[if gte mso 10]>
<style>
/* Style Definitions */
table.MsoNormalTable
{mso-style-name:"Table Normal";
mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0;
mso-tstyle-colband-size:0;
mso-style-noshow:yes;
mso-style-parent:"";
mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt;
mso-para-margin:0in;
mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:12.0pt;
font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-ascii-font-family:Cambria;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;
mso-hansi-font-family:Cambria;
mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;}
</style>
<![endif]-->
<!--StartFragment-->
<!--EndFragment--></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
Noelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13714541394769902623noreply@blogger.com0