What a crazy year
2015 was.
By seasons, it was a rough winter, followed by springtime of
conflict, one of my darkest summers on record, and a fall that was beautiful
but also painful in a different way.
As the year moved on toward colder weather again, I found myself loving
winter in a way that I never have before.
I need the cold to seal everything up and let dormant things lie, so
that there can be new life.
But, amid the dark stuff, there was light. Here’s are some of the major happenings:
I got a Fitbit.
I got it in March, and gradually became obsessed with it. By May my
crazy was full blown. Picture me
doing laps inside my house getting steps.
The neighbors see me walk by and call out, “Getting your steps?” Pacing the floor in a quiet moment, causing
my friends to say, “What are you doing?”
I went from the second week of May through the beginning of September without
missing my 10,000-step count goal (When you reach your goal, the Fitbit
vibrates. I call it “Party on my
wrist.” It now comes with a dance, as well.). A combination of it getting more difficult to walk outside
and a three-week separation from it in November allowed me to release myself (I
have a problem with letting things go once I’ve set a goal). I still average 9K, but it’s not like
the 12K I was getting in July. Let
it go, Noel. *deep breath* But, summer
2015 will always be the Summer of the Fitbit. All of my Denver family had one, and we would compete
against each other and our Australia family. My sister would stop by just because she was going out to get
steps and she wanted company. We
would all be together and find the furthest parking spot away so that we could
all increase our steps. It was
such fun.
From an amazing encounter with author of the Shack, Paul Young. |
That leads to another great thing about 2015. I began to “read” again. Well, sort of. You see, I used to be a big
reader. I would read one or two
books a month. When I was a kid, I
actually got grounded from reading more than once. I would be reading when I was supposed to be doing other
things, like chores, or sleeping.
After Sawan died, however, I had to stop. I couldn’t read as quickly as I had before, and my
comprehension had gone down the tubes.
Reading provided only frustration where it used to bring joy, so I gave
it up for awhile. There have been
a few books that I’ve struggled through in the last six years, but it was just that, a struggle. I have a friend that is an occupational
therapist that suggested I try doing two things at once, like reading and
swinging, or reading on my elliptical.
That would employ both sides of my brain and therefore help me to
remember. But, I found an even
better solution, using her suggestion of two things at once. Audiobooks. I listen while I’m getting my steps (or walking, if you
want), or driving, or working in the yard, or in the tub, or doing the
dishes. It’s employing both sides
of my brain but I’m still being productive. I “read” 17 books this year. Plus, I’m old school reading (actual books with paper and
words) three more right now, but that takes me forever.
August is always a hard month for me; the majority of my "hard days" fall in August. I really
keep thinking that it’s going to get easier, but man, this one was tough. I told my mom one day that the only
thing I wanted to do was smoke and work out. A bit counter-productive, I know, but I allowed myself some
grace in the cigarette department (I technically quit November 2014) and gained
some muscle at Orange Theory.
Which brings me to my very
favorite thing from 2015.
Orange Theory Fitness. Orange
Theory is a HIIT workout that kicks my butt every time, but is completely
enjoyable. When I tell my friends
about it, some of them say they never want to do it, and some of them have come
with me. Either way, I am addicted
to the endorphins and have injured myself more than once from trying to go too
often. I think it probably saved my life this summer and so I’m incredibly
thankful for it.
I started a new job in September staging real estate. I work staging on the days that I’m not
doing hair. Well, to be fair, I
only worked a handful of days last fall and then things totally slowed down
around the holidays, so I had plenty of time for the busy season at the salon. A really gifted friend is training me,
and I love every minute of it.
It’s totally energizing in a whole new way.
I began to use Arthur (my service dog) less and less this fall;
it just felt like it was time, because I’m doing so much better than I was when
I first started using him. I just
don’t need him as much as I used to.
He and I are stumbling a bit through the transition of him not having to
work all the time, but still being a
good boy when I need him to work.
I think he doesn’t get it, doesn’t understand why I’m leaving him. And, I miss him. I don’t miss all of the questions or
the attention that we got, though.
Anyway, we’re getting it figured out.
Arthur with his birthday cone |
freezing his paws off. not a fan of the boots. |
September in Santa Fe |
My parents moved away this fall. My dad started a new job in October, so he headed north
then, and my mom came and went throughout the fall working on finding their new
house and getting the old house ready to go. They left for good right after Thanksgiving. I went up there
for Christmas (BTW, spending time in the town where I went to high school and
have rarely been since was surreal), so I haven’t really felt their absence
until this week. It pretty much
sucks.
Sprinkle in there a few bad dates, a few good dates (but
none with a permanent solution to my single-girl woes), some awesome time
deepening old friendships and making new ones, another season watching the
Rockies lose, and you pretty much have my year. For the most part I feel like 2015 can suck it. I’m not sad to see it go.
old friends. (Or friends for a long time. We're NOT old.) |
(relatively) new friends. |
I’m excited to see
what 2016 will bring.
My dear readers, my Readership of Tens, thank you for
reading my words. Thanks for your
comments and words of encouragement.
Especially you widows…we got this!
We’re in it together.
Thanks for another year.
Beautiful post. I loved your description of why you need the cold. Reminds me of a line from a W.D. Snodgrass poem: "We need the landscape to repeat us." Anyway, write on. Please. Happy New Year!
ReplyDeleteI don't think I have posted before, but I just want to offer you encouragement. I have been following you since the sudden death of my husband almost three years ago. Like you, I was the person to find my husband after his unexpected death. I can relate to the PTSD and the effects on the brain, the loss of concentration and the short term memory loss. It felt like I had suffered a brain trauma. I had never heard of this happening in widowhood, until I was experiencing it myself. Reading of your similar experience validated what I was feeling and I realized I wasn't alone in this. I am just starting to feel like my brain is healing from the trauma. Sometimes it felt like I would never be "normal" again. Remember, in the beginning, when all we could do was remind ourselves to take the next breath? We have come a long way since then. We are doing this! In 2016, I want to honor and embrace that unnamed strength within us that has carried us through thus far.
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