I miss my Papa today.
I lost him the same day that I lost Sawan. So, in some ways I feel like I only grieved him from the phone call in the morning, finding out that he died, until that evening at 7:45 when I found Sawan. After that, the magnitude of grieving my husband surpassed the magnitude of grieving my grandfather.
But there have been a few times in this last year and a half that I’ve wished that I could talk to him.
A few years ago, he and I had a conversation about how angry he was the first time he paid more than ten cents a gallon for gas. It made me think of him every time I hit the milestones with my tank, and I would often call him. “Papa, I was just calling to tell you that it cost me more than $20 to fill up my tank, and it made me think of you.” Then again, not long after, when I paid more than $30.
I spent $45 this week. I am lucky that I barely drive my car. I live a block away from work, and so I sometimes go a couple of days without driving my car, and only have to fill it about every 3 weeks or sometimes once a month. So I haven’t paid that much attention to gas prices. I sucked air when I saw that it was well over $3/gallon and the whole tank was 45bucks. I wanted to call him. To commiserate together. I think he would have said something snarky. That would have been fun.