Monday, January 23, 2012

Dating Confusion

He didn’t call.

What the hell am I doing?

Is this really my life?


A guy I have no idea if I’m interested in hasn’t called.

We met on eHarmony.  We emailed.  He gave me his number.  Typically, I would tell him to call me, first.  But, I’m learning.  I write a blog.  There’s info and obituary stuff everywhere if you Google me (which everyone does these days) and my first and last name are on my voicemail, so it makes it too easy (I need it to be that way for work, or I’d change it.  I might just change it anyway).  I went ahead and called him first, so I could drop the “widow bomb” in conversation, rather than letting him call me, find out my first and last name, Google me, and then having me wondering why I got a voicemail and then never heard from the guy again (Yep.  That’s happened.).

Now I haven’t talked to him for several days.  In the new age of smart phones, all he wants to do is text.  I hate my own particular smart phone (actually, it’s the “world’s dumbest” smart phone) as texting can take 20 minutes per.  After a frustrating “conversation” via text on Monday, I said, “This is ridiculous.  Wanna just call me?”  He responded by saying “I just wanted to say hi that was all.  Maybe call you in a little bit?”  Um, don’t do me any favors.  (He didn’t.)

More texting the next day.  And the next.  This guy, by the way, is the drummer for a heavy metal band and from his profile photos looks suspiciously like he drives a Trans-Am.  On day four after our phone conversation, I sweetly tell him, after he’s asked if I want to chat later, that that would work much better for me, I love the occasional flirty text but actually don’t think texting is a great option for “getting to know you”.  But, I am headed into class and then book club after.  Then I hear nothing from him the next day, (he had texted multiple times the previous days since our phone conversation) then it’s back to texting the following day.  What?  I haven’t even met this guy, yet, to know if I’m interested.

The rules have seriously changed since I was out there last, this is completely frustrating, and I have no idea what I’m doing.  Here’s what hasn’t changed:  I’m still the woman.  I still want him to be the man.  I want to feel pursued.  There’s just new ways to make this whole thing so damn confusing.


  1. I hope he Googles you and find THIS. Getting to know someone over text is bullshit.

    That makes me mad for you. Would you be willing to call and leave him a message (since I assume he wouldn't answer) that just said you find getting to know someone face to face far preferable than via text, and that if he's not comfortable with that, to please let you know? I mean, come ON. Quit wasting your time.

  2. I had some stumbles, bumbles, false starts, and missteps when I started dating again, too. I always tried to take it in stride by remembering that a miscue with any particular guy doesn't hold a candle to the crap we've lived through, and that usually helped me put things into perspective. I'm not saying rule this guy totally out (though the above commenter had some good advice, I think), but at least pursue someone else at the same time so you don't put all the dating eggs in one basket at a time! ;)

    Best of luck to you as you reach out and try something unfamiliar. Though the times and rules have changed, the feeling of things clicking and being right hasn't, and it just doesn't sound like this is clicking...

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  4. I found this post great especially on Valentine's Day. It's a wonderful comparison that really helps to easily relate to others who may not be as familiar with the terms and how it all works. I may share it with some people at work who need another view to help them understand. Thanks!
    Business Owner Dating

  5. Hello. I lost my husband 10 months ago and today I decided to start dating. I'm thinking of writing a book about young widows dating again. I saw your blog and saw you also lived in Denver and we are the same age. Would you consider writing a book with me? Maybe we could meet for coffee and talk about it?