I have fun!

I feel the need to remind myself of this (that I have fun), as I have a tendency to be more on the discouraged side these days.

Last weekend for Memorial Day, I stayed in town (I’m not so much the camping type) and did lots of fun activities.  I made sure that I documented it on Instagram, so that I could look back and remember what fun I had had. 

I started my weekend with lunch with one of my favorite new friends.

Then Ellie and I went to see Iron Man 3.  Popcorn for dinner?  Yes, please.

On Saturday, I worked in my yard (and got a sunburn).  Then, I met some friends at my mom’s house, because they have a goldendoodle that’s a week older than hers!  Arthur mostly loved it.  These are some of my favorite people in the whole world, so I totally loved it.

On Sunday, I went to brunch, went home for a nap, then went to see my favorite new band, Dawes, play at the Gothic (which is incidentally, a tiny venue a few blocks from my house).  It was an amazing show, and, I think they’re on the brink of getting really big, and it’s going to be so fun someday to say, “Yeah, the first time I saw them was at the Gothic.”

On Monday, Mom and Dad and I drove Nellybelle  (my new CRV) down to Colorado Springs to hang out with my brother’s fam for my nephew’s birthday.  It was nice to see how she did on the highway (it’s embarrassing how much I love this car).  The birthday party was awesome.  It’s so fun to be near the little guys for events like this.  And, as icing on the cake to my weekend, my score was the new top score in Whackamole.  Suckers!

Happy Sunshine!

It’s March, folks. 

I have gotten tired of people asking me how I’m doing and responding, “Medium.”

We’ve had a pretty mild winter around these parts, but even with the lack of snow and cold weather, I’ve realized that I really hate winter.  Not only because I hate to be cold, but because I hate the short days.  I hate it that even on a day when it’s noon and sunny outside, you can tell that it’s February out there because the color of the sun is different.  It’s not June sun.  It’s not April sun.  I even love October sun.  But February sun leaves much to be desired with it’s pallor. 

I start feeling gross right around November, get a bit of a reprieve once January hits and I can feel the days elongating just a bit, and then by February every time anyone talks to me I try not to spill my cranky all over them and find myself saying stuff like, “Let’s just move.  How about Mexico?”

But it’s March.  I’m sitting outside at a coffee shop getting some writing done, in short sleeves.  It’s sunny.  It’s March sun, so it’s starting to get a little of it’s lemony glow back.  I know in my heart that March is Denver’s snowiest month, can remember the blizzard that hit on St. Patrick’s day a few years ago where we got six feet of snow, but the end is in sight.  This is the home stretch, and we’re getting some breaks in between.   I feel it in my soul, cheering me up.  It’s a beautiful thing.

I’ve never loved March as much as I love it this year. 

DearMarch,

Welcome.  Thank you for coming.  I’ve always wanted to ask you, what are your “Ides?”  I really look forward to your friend, April, but I’m going to enjoy every ounce of you until she gets here.

Love,

Noel

Arthur, soaking up some rays at Stella's Coffee Shop.

A Full Tank

I feel full, as in, my tank is full.  I am voluntarily hearing myself say, “I’m happy.”  (This had happened a few times before, especially when I was with my niece or nephews, but not on a regular basis.)

I have spent my summer cultivating new and old friendships.  I’m SO BUSY.  But, for the first time in years, I’m up for it, and I’m having a great time.

A few weeks ago, I went to dinner with a girlfriend, and she was complaining that her boyfriend doesn’t like to go places, as in, he is more of a homebody, and doesn’t enjoy going out.  So, I asked her if she would “go out” with me.  We call each other “Non-Lesbian Lovers.”  We have “date night” every Thursday night.  I am trying lots of the restaurants that have been on my list for three years but haven’t had anyone to go with.  It’s so much fun.

I have a pool date every Wednesday with another girlfriend, who works in the school system and made it her goal for her summer time off to go to the pool a lot (she told me I was welcome to help her reach her goal…Um, yes please!)  We have known each other for years, but spending this kind of quality time has been so meaningful.  She is incredibly deep.  She is so beautiful, physically and soul-ishly.

Pool Date!

I have also started *gulp* dating again.  He’s a man that I was friends with, and I’m really enjoying getting to know him on a deeper level.  It is not my plan to talk about it much here; he did not sign up to have me process our relationship on my blog.  But, I will say that it has added an interesting element to my grief journey, and he is amazingly patient, gracious, and kind.  He makes me feel incredibly feminine and beautiful. 

With Jon at a Rockies game

After the thing happened last week with the former employee, I was talking to my friend (and also the owner of my salon).  I dramatically threw myself down on a chair, and told her, “I just wanna go home and go to bed.”  She said, “Well, then you should.  But I just want to point out that you used to tell me that every day and I haven’t heard you say that in months.”  And she was right.  I went home, took a catnap, rallied, and had dinner with my girlfriend.

I have suddenly found my interest in music again.  I have gotten out my ancient iPod (people look at it and say, “I haven’t seen one like this in years!” but it still works!) and am listening to stuff that was too painful not long ago and am totally enjoying it.

It’s not that the pendulum has swung so far that I can’t still have a bad day, but I think that I’ve been on the sad side of normal for so long that being even slightly on the happy side of normal feels like such a BFD, and I’m so thankful for it.  When asked the question, “How are you?”  I can say, for the first time since Sawan died, “Good.”  It’s nice to give a good report.

A New Happy List

It’s been awhile since I’ve done one of these, but here is what is making me happy today:

*The light-up feature on my car’s speedometer had been broken, so at night I couldn’t tell how fast I was going.  Before I got it in to the shop, it spontaneously healed itself. 

*I’m very excited about my mostly green kitchen (I’m about to go downstairs and wail on that thing, get it entirely green).

*Arthur has been especially snuggly and sweet this morning.

*I took an ambien before bed last night, then came upstairs and looked at Pinterest (Facebook is entirely off-limits after ambien, but I’ve decided Pinterest won’t hurt anything, I’m not trying to say anything clever).  This morning it was a pleasant (and complete) surprise to see what I had pinned!

Hope your day is starting off well, too!

Thankful for..my elliptical

I had in mind about a million of these little posts, but have just either been too busy or not really felt up to writing these days.

One of the main things that I’m thankful for lately?  My elliptical.

I was thinking that I wanted to quit smoking, and heard that you can “replace” endorphins that you get from smoking by exercise (I’m not sure if it’s true or not…I also was given the suggestion by multiple sources that when I was craving a cigarette I should drink a glass of water…you can hear the sarcasm in my voice when I say, “Oh, yeah, that was satisfying.”).  I had looked on Craigslist and other on-line sources, but no longer having a truck, I didn’t know how I was going to manage picking up exercise equipment.  It’s just not easy/convenient to arrange with a stranger, assuming it’s the perfect thing.

So, I posted as my Facebook status update that I needed a treadmill or elliptical for cheap and someone offered me their elliptical…for free.  Then someone else offered to pick it up, and I didn’t even have to go!  They showed up at my house with it, and all I had to do was help carry it up the stairs.

Now it sits in my bedroom, (that’s where my TV lives), I’ve used it 5 days a week since I got it six weeks ago, and haven’t hung laundry on it once.  After six weeks, Arthur has quit barking at it, and I have slowly gone from having to close him in the bathroom while I was using it, to just having the bedroom door shut, to making him leave the room but leaving the door open, to this today:

My view from the elliptical this morning:  Arthur sleeping on my bed while I did my workout (a vast improvement)

So, I’m not sure if it’s helped replace smoking endorphins, but it’s helped me to not gain the immediate 15lbs that I gained the last time that I quit smoking (in fact I’ve lost a little, but am definitely looking less fluffy these days, so I’m stoked!).  Either way…it’s a win, and I’m so thankful for this hunk-a-metal!

Thankful for...SLEEP

I have struggled with sleep my whole adult life.  Actually, I think I may have struggled with it some as a kid, too, but I can definitely say with authority that when we came home from Ukraine when I was 17 my body just could never really readjust to the time change, and I’ve struggled on and off with insomnia ever sense. 

I go in and out of phases where sleep is a major issue. 

Most widows that you talk to say that sleep is an issue for them, too, and when you add to it that I already had sleep problems, I’ve just sort of been hosed.  I never get a night of un-interrupted sleep.  A good night is where I only wake up a couple of times and can go right back to sleep.  A good night is when I sleep with waking up a few times but the stretch lasts for 7 hours.  That’s when I feel like I can cope, but better is when I can get 8 (dream on, right?).  A normal night in the last two years is me laying in bed for about an hour or two trying to fall asleep, then finally going to sleep with the TV on, then waking up about 5 times, then having to get up five and a half or six hours after I’ve gone to sleep.

All that is just background for me saying what I’m especially thankful for today.

This week I went to bed one night and was asleep by nine, giving me nine hours sleep, and I only woke up 3 times, so I felt pretty refreshed the next day!  I’ve had a couple of 8-hour nights this week, so I’m feeling like a new woman!

I’m especially grateful for…sleep.

Let the Thankfulness begin!

Lots of my friends are doing “Thankfulness Month” either on their blogs or in their status updates on Facebook.  I think this is a great idea.

I won’t be posting daily, because, I can’t be bothered to be that thankful.  Just kidding!  I can’t be bothered to write that often.  And, I might write about other stuff in between.  But I will be focusing on an attitude and posture of thankfulness this month (especially since I seem to have skipped the last couple of years with my skipping the holiday in general).

I’m going to try to get creative here.  I’m probably going to write about the really obvious things at some point, but I also want to share some of the little things…

Today, I’m especially thankful for my programmable thermostat.   I just learned how to use it.  I finally have figured out how to have my house be slightly warmer than the 65 degrees that it was perpetually for the last couple of weeks. 

I have a day of respite.  I have been burning the candle at both ends lately, and I finally had a day where I could just sleep in.  I worked out and showered, then put my jammie-ish clothes back on and got back into bed to write and catch up on email.  That’s how Arthur and I have spent our day: snuggling in bed.  It’s been delightful.  Bliss-full.  And I haven’t had to go downstairs once to try to figure out how to change the stupid thermostat.  It’s pre-set (How cool is it that it has 4 different times of day that I can pre-set it to change the temp?).  Yeah, Baby.

Ahh, Fall

I’m loving fall.

I don’t remember being such a fall girl before.  But this year, I just love it.  I think I’ve always hated fall because it means that winter is coming.  And I hate winter.

This year, though, I’m just totally enjoying it.  I’m loving the crispness in the air.  I guess my palette has changed, as well, because where I used to not really like the spices that one associates with fall, these days I just can’t get enough. 

The colors are particularly beautiful, this year, too.  And who can resist the crunch of the leaves under their feet?  I’m enjoying the chilliness of the evenings.  I enjoy being just a little cold when I go to bed, so that I need an extra blanket and Arthur to snuggle up nice and close.  And, once it gets cold enough, he’ll actually do it, too, so I love that!

I love jackets.  I love Ugg boots.  Both have come out in the last couple of weeks (Including my favorite leather bomber jacket that I was too fluffy to wear last year but this year is a perfect fit again.  The no sugar diet is doing the trick!).  It’s delightful.

Had to post a photo of the leather jacket...

Welcome, fall.  Stay as long as you can.

This week's Happy List

Here's what's making me smile this week:

I have the plummer here.  He’s down in the cellar working on the fittings between the galvanized and copper pipes (something that’s been on my list to have fixed since I moved in).  Yay!  For getting things checked off the list!  Arthur is on full alert, he acts like it’s the Norman invasion, or something.  But, (also, Boo!) the water is turned off and I have to go to the bathroom.  Bad.  And, I have cleaning to do and can’t get it done with no water turned on so I’m just hanging out, watching tv and looking at Facebook (I’m sure I could find something productive to do, but, why bother?).   Is it bad that it occurred to me that I could lock him up down there in the scary dungeon? 

I’m incredibly busy.  I’m not sure what it is that I’m doing to fill my time, but I feel like I’m busy from sun-up to sun-down and never quite get everything accomplished.  But it’s good to have distractions.

I am doing incredibly well.  I love people asking me “How are you?”  And finally being able to answer honestly, “Good.”

Ok, I’m off to do something productive (maybe I’ll put together my new porch swing) and find a bathroom…

My Happy Summer Toes

I posted a photo of my toes on Facebook last night and I got such a response that I decided to share my secret with all of you. 

I had bought these nail decals at Target for $8.99.  They said they were for fingers but I thought I’d try them on my toes.  I removed my old nail polish, trimmed my nails, and used the decals according to the instructions.  Once I did one nail, I realized that I could cut them and get more toes done with one decal (I was able to use one decal for three toes except for the big toe).  It took me about 20 minutes, which is longer than normal nail polish would take, but not too bad.  I bet it won't take as long next time (as this was my first time using them).  Also, there was no drying time, so overall, it was probably a wash.  Happy Pedicure-ing!

It comes with all of the tools in it that you'll need for applying the polish strips.

The other additional things you'll need.  Polish remover, cotton pads, and clippers (yes, that's my favorite pair of nail clippers that are a souvenir from Garden of the Gods). 

Beyond my wildest dreams...

Friday night was epic. 

I was so excited that I was having a hard time managing my expectations.  The evening that I had far exceeded them.

We ended up sitting in General Admission seats even though we had assigned seating (because they’re better and no one checks or really cares, but still, don’t tell) and this meant that we all got to sit together: all my friends that had come and my sisters and brother in law and their friends that they came with.  Dispatch played nearly everything that we wanted them to play and they sounded great.

I’ve been holding out on you.  I am actually friends with one of the band members (I became friends after I was a fan, but have been friends with him for nearly a decade), so this show was actually a little more for me then just seeing my favorite band play at Red Rocks, it was also getting to see a dream come true for one of my dear friends.  When they took the stage I turned around and could see his parents, and the look of pride on their face, and later I got to see his sister and as she was watching she grabbed my arm and said, “Can you believe that’s

[My baby brother] out there?”  I also, because of his generosity, got to have a backstage pass, and got to see a little of the show from behind the scenes.  It was Just. So.  Fun. 

Best.  Concert.  Ever.

The view from backstage.

Backstage with my Bestie.

My friend Rick who came all the way from Seattle for the show...

Cori and Scott

Me and my girls (Cori and I have on the nerdy shwag glasses from backstage).

The dirty hippies in front of us smelled so bad I had to dance with my fingers in my nose....

A Confession to Make...

I have been looking forward to this weekend for months! 

My favorite band, Dispatch is back together for a brief tour this summer, kicking off with three nights at Red Rocks!  A bunch of my friends have come from all over the country/world to enjoy the show, and I’m going two of the nights.  I am one of those nerds that I always made fun of.

One of the things that I’m most looking forward to is that Sawan didn’t actually really like Dispatch, he mostly humored me, so this is something that I can enjoy as my own and not really have to be feeling super sad the whole time.

Never heard of Dispatch?  That’s ok, most people haven’t.  They were an independent band (never signed with a label) and they split up like ten years ago, but still get together occasionally for mostly non-profit stuff.  (So some people have heard of them, their fund raiser for Zimbabwe sold out Madison Square Garden 3 nights in a row in 2007.  I didn’t get to go as I was busy being on my honeymoon that weekend.)  I’ve posted their most popular song, for your listening pleasure.

Grass...and other stuff

See that little guy in the middle?  I named him Wes.  I think it's good for nurturing.

I have some grass!  (I think that could sound bad…especially when I’m this excited about it).  I have a few little sprouts coming up.  I’m not sure if you can really see them, but this is their first school picture.  I’m a proud mama. 

Here’s the sort of sad dirt that is my front yard.  It’s lots better than the backyard, though, so, I’ve decided to start here for this year and worry about the backyard next year.

This is the before picture.  Hopefully by August I'll have something really awesome to show off.

Also, wanna know how creative I am?  I actually know how to sew.  But I have no sewing machine, and my mom doesn’t have one because she wouldn’t be caught dead sewing on a button.  So I had to come up with plan b for curtains.  I tried and tried to buy small curtains for my bathroom, and after looking at every home store/box store/ross and tjmaxx and every place on-line that I could think of and coming up with exactly zero options (not even something that I wasn’t willing to spend a million dollars on, literally what I wanted didn’t exist), I bought these cloth napkins at Anthropologie and put hooks on them from Target and voila! I have curtains in my bathroom!  And I only spent $17 total ($6 each napkin and $5 for the hooks).  And they look much better than something I could have sewn with my 8^th grade home ec education (Thanks anyway, Mrs. Stolberg).

The window with the cute curtain...

a close up so you can actually see the pattern and the piping.  I'm not so much a good photographer, it would seem.

In other news, I finally came clean to my baby sister last night about not liking musicals.  I just can’t quite get there in my “willing suspension of disbelief.”  It just takes it a bit too far.  This is why I have never seen, for instance, Wicked.  I watch the Sound of Music for nostalgic purposes, but it always makes me wish I could roll my eyes all the way back in my head:

Man:  Baby, I love you.

Woman:  I love you, too.

(music comes up)

Man:  Oh, that’s excellent news.  Hey, I’ve been practicing this song with the harmony for precisely this moment!

Woman:  OMG!  I know that song!  I’ll sing the melody!  We’re a match made in heaven!

Today's "Happy List" (I'm calling it that because I still can't think of a clever name for these posts)

Here’s what’s making me happy today:

*  Arthur and I went on a 2.4-mile walk yesterday around our new neighborhood.  We’re only a couple of blocks from Harvard Gulch Park, which has a cool little creek and a small par 3 golf course.  I got appreciative glances from the golfers even though my legs are so white they’re blue, but my little walking skirt must have done the trick anyway!

*  My mom took me to the Botanic Gardens plant sale today.  I got some succulents for my backyard, and a “desert holly” bush that looks like it will be really cool, so I’m excited!  I also got some herbs for a planter, so the yard work has begun!

*  After the plant sale we went through the Sonic drive-through, which is 1.5 blocks from my house for Diet Dr. Pepper.  I love having Sonic so close!  They have the best ice.

The succulents and herbs.  The big one is an agave.  The garden guy laughed when I said I was going to make my own tequila.  There's also basil that's red.  I hope it tastes good 'cuz it's gonna LOOK beautiful in food.

A close-up of the desert holly.  It has dainty little leaves.

Insert Catchy List Title Here

Here’s another list of things that are making me happy.  I need to start a regular column for this, but I haven’t thought of a catchy title. 

• ·      You know how I said that I would have dramatically changed my hair by now?  I thought about doing something VERY different, but I decided I did like being blonde.  When I had to go see someone new for my color appointment last Friday, I told her my dilemma and she suggested we do platinum.  This has always been my favorite of all the colors my hair has ever been, so I was like “Twist my arm!”  and so platinum it is!  I feel very fabulous!

• ·      Last night I went to a friend get together/Oscar Party sort-of (really I was pretty much the only one who wanted to watch the Oscars, and they humored me) and we made quesadillas.  I was responsible for bringing cheese, tortillas, cilantro, and sour cream.  I showed up with everything on the list, except I bought parsley.  That’s what you get for sending the widow who doesn’t cook to the grocery store.  The sign said “cilantro” above a mass of green stuff.  How was I supposed to know?  I think it was safeway just being mean, and trying to trick me, but I definitely got some teasing.  We all got a good laugh.

• ·     I have had lots of people offer to help me move, as that chore is looming it’s ugly head on my horizon, and this makes me feel so loved, because I know how much my couch weighs. 

Um, how do I use "photobooth" again so I can show pictures of my new hair?

Oh, yeah.  Here I am, with my new hair.

Ok, that’s enough procrastinating, I have to pay bills, clean my room, and make 1000 phone calls before my coffee date with my friend this afternoon.  What a glamorous life this blonde bombshell leads!

Jeggings and other nonsense

I seem to be taking a little heat for my jeggings choices.  Ummmm, they’re just jeans that are slightly more fitted, and go into my tall boots with no problems.  I felt that I needed to defend myself.  They are not, let me make it clear, the kind that look like sweat pants that you see on the infomercial.  (side note:  I got a hit from google on “old navy jeggings” and thought “Oh, COME ON!” and also, the same day, one from google on “widow sex.”  In my world that’s a misnomer.)

I had a great, low-key weekend where several things happened that just made me feel special and loved.  My uncle was in town from Lake Tahoe, and I didn’t know that he read my blog until he told my dad that he wanted to take Ellie (my sis) and I on a lunch date and he didn’t care about "my rack."  (see comments from Dating? )  My cousins were there, too, and it’s just always so fun to be with them.

The cousins and sis

The other fun thing is a friend of mine is doing a project where he’s painting 30 portraits in 30 days, and asked people to send in photos and he would paint your portrait.  Mine came up this weekend, and it’s fabulous!  

Singing

“After all that, she was surprised to find that she still knew the words to the song in her heart…and she began to sing along.”

I kept seeing this on a calendar in the paper store that I walk by on my way home from work every day.  It’s one of those sort of cheesy girly ones, but it made me smile every time, and it’s by “Curly Girl,” what could be more perfect?  I mean, does that not describe me?  I finally bought it for myself.  Unfortunately, this is the only page that I like, and I don’t have much use for a wall calendar, so I haven’t opened it, but it sits around my house, moving from pile to pile, and encourages me whenever I look at it.

I’m having a day where I’m singing along.

I bought new jeggings at Old Navy for $4.  Not only were they a steal, but they make my heinie look pretty cute, so I’m stoked.

I started my day having coffee with two girlfriends, one old and one new, and that was just FUN.

I got all my tax stuff turned in to my accountant.  Phew.  That feels good.

I got all the stuff ready to drop off for my mortgage guy.  Phew.  Another thing to check off the list.

In my errand running this afternoon, though, I had to do some phone shopping (my Blackberry is about to bite it) and that slightly deflated me.  First of all, I’m technologically challenged, so learning a new phone seems daunting.  I’m struggling with this new decision.  When it comes to car decisions, I feel like it being hard is understandable.  When it comes to phone stuff, it shouldn’t be so hard.  But ugh.  Sawan handled it for me.  So I don’t know what to do.  I started to tear up at the T-Mobile counter and just left.  I’ll handle it another day.  I was doing so good today…so even leaving feels like a triumph.

Silly things that make me happy

I’ve been home from England for a few days, and I’ve been sleeping remarkably well given the fact that A) I’m an insomniac.  B) I’m a widow.  C) I have jet lag.  D) I have a REALLY bad cold.  I’m not sure if I picked up the cold from the recycled air in the airplane or from the eight-year-old nephew who wasn’t feeling great and liked to pick his nose and then hold hands with me while we were in the city the day before.  Either way, totally worth it.

The funny thing is, Arthur is wondering why I came home from England barking like a dog.  He’s wondering if I’m trying to speak his language and haven’t quite figured it out yet.  We’ve spent our free time laying in bed snuggling.  I missed him so much and he is pretty much glued to my side.  I think he missed me, too.

My parents came to pick me up from the airport and brought the dog in with them (one of the benefits of the vest for the service dog- he can go in to the airport!).  I have to admit that when I saw him it was hard for me to greet the humans first!

I am in general doing SO much better than I was before I left.  Here are a few silly things (besides my dog) that make me happy:

Psyche.  I have loved this show since the very beginning.  Sean, the main character, reminds me so much of my Bubba and his style of humor that it’s like I’ve hung out with him for an hour.  If you want to laugh out loud than I seriously recommend watching it.

I got a new kitchen faucet.  My landlord finally broke down and replaced it.  Who knew that actually being able to rinse the soap off your hands and rinse dishes without having to use the sprayer could make one want to sing hymns? 

Mucinex.  I have an incredible immune system.  I rarely get sick.  I can’t even remember the last time I had a cold like this.  I don’t think they had mucinex yet.  I’m enjoying picturing the little green men inside my lungs being uprooted when I cough.  I wish I knew how to “hawk a loogie,” though; this is one of those skills that I never learned, and think it might be too late, like whistling (I can’t do that, either.).

If only Mucinex cured boredom, too (I’m bored of laying in my bed), what I really need is a Psyche marathon on TV!  I should go down and do dishes in my new sink…

More Adventures

Last week I took my car in for a routine oil change.  I live one block from work, so I rarely drive anywhere and this is something I hadn’t done since, ahem, January.  I was actually only a few miles over the 3000 or whatever it is.  So it wasn’t that big of a deal.

I don’t go to one of those “fast food” style oil change places, because whenever I do they always screw something up and I end up having a $300 repair afterward, so it’s actually much more affordable to just take it to the shop to have the oil changed.  Plus, these days I have my car repaired by Leo’s, and they’re literally next door to the salon.  They are some of the nicest men and women (I know, women mechanics, it’s a cool place.) ever.

When I went in to pay for it, however, they told me my rear brakes were in bad shape.  They were down to 5%.  I had some options.  Then he started speaking Greek (or he might as well have been).  I could have the ones I’ve got “machined” or I could get new ones.  I burst into tears.  These guys know me.  They know my story.  They knew Sawan.  So I felt pretty safe, but it was still humiliating.  So I told him I was going to call my dad and see what he thought and call him later.  The thing is, I used to have to make these decisions by myself when I was single, and I did it (I’m sure what I did was just what I did this time:  call my dad.), and I actually didn’t rely on Sawan for all of the car stuff when we were married.  I took care of almost everything.  He occasionally would take it to have the oil changed but mostly it was my car so I took care of it.  But, when it came to stuff like repairs, he knew what was going on under the hood and I didn’t, so he made the decisions.  This being the first repair was just super hard.  It’s so weird how inanimate things can make you feel emotions. 

Bottom line is, between my sweet dad talking me through the options and translating Greek to English, and the amazing team at Leo’s that put up with the grieving widow, I made a decision, and the new machined breaks worked great on my one block drive home last night.  I did it, all by myself.  Well, without Sawan anyway.

Also this month, I filed our taxes jointly for the last time.  My amazing accountant had done everything for me, so that all I had to do was sign and mail, but when I opened them to the second page, the glaring “deceased” in big black letters was a little hard to stomach.  Thank God I don’t have to do that again.

I would like my parade now.

And a Bonus...

For some reason, I’m just having a really great day today.  I woke up singing “It’s a great day to be alive…" (I think it’s Travis Tritt) and I honestly haven’t felt happy to be alive in over a year.  Yay!  Here are some things that totally make me smile today:

My dog, who we had fixed very early, pees like a sissy and occasionally will decide to lift a leg.  Today it was his front left.

I sold the shop one year ago today, or yesterday.  As I said, I was under water so I can’t remember exactly which.  Either way, I am incredibly grateful for the new owner, to still be working there, and for the whole situation in general.  I have not regretted it, not even once, not even for a minute.  (Cue Aretha Franklin:  FREEDOM, FREEDOM, FREEDOM, OH FREEDOM!)

It’s a beautiful day outside, sunny and warm, but there’s this coolness to it, a crisp hint of fall in the air that is so delightful.

My house finally cooled down enough last night that I was able to take a bath, which I always say is my therapy, and I usually do this ritual daily, but had been unable to for several months due to the temperature in my house.  It feels good to be back.

I have on my new True Religion jeans.  I feel very skinny in them.

I found a parking spot in the shade.  In a black car this is a very big deal.

On my way to the grocery store I saw the most awesome mustache.  He looked like Jefe from Three Amigos.

Mostly I just feel like the “clouds” have somewhat parted for today and I’m enjoying it!