House Hunting

I’m not sleeping again.  I’m actually feeling like I have jet lag.  I pass out at like 8 o’clock; unable to keep my eyes open any longer, and then wake up several times throughout the night for an hour at a time.  It’s frustrating.

What’s on my mind is house hunting.  I’m trying to figure out where I’ll live in 6 weeks.  My lease will be up, and I’m thinking that I need to take advantage of the low interest rates.  It is becoming more and more evident that I am a princess.  What I would like is a $300,000 house, but I only want to pay around $1000/month for my mortgage payment.  These numbers just don’t really match up, and clearly I’m not very good at compromise.

What’s really annoying is how being a widow plays into this whole deal.  I used to be awesome at decision-making.  I owned my own business.  I knew what I wanted for my life.  When you make a multi-thousand-dollar decision, like buying a house, it seems like it should be a pretty long-term decision, and I have no idea about my future.  I have no idea about a future husband, or kids, or even roommates, so trying to make those decisions is super-hard.  Also, I used to have someone that I bounced all of these ideas off of, that helped me make these kind of decisions, so now when I get bogged down, I can really start to feel sorry for myself because I don’t have him to talk to about it. 

In spite of all of this, I seem to be holding up pretty well.  This seems like the formula for disaster:  no sleep+the possibility of being homeless in 6 weeks+super busy schedule with very little recovery time=CRAZY WIDOW!  But I don’t feel crazy…yet.  I’ll keep you posted.