I’m not sleeping again. I’m actually feeling like I have jet lag. I pass out at like 8 o’clock; unable to keep my eyes open any longer, and then wake up several times throughout the night for an hour at a time. It’s frustrating.
What’s on my mind is house hunting. I’m trying to figure out where I’ll live in 6 weeks. My lease will be up, and I’m thinking that I need to take advantage of the low interest rates. It is becoming more and more evident that I am a princess. What I would like is a $300,000 house, but I only want to pay around $1000/month for my mortgage payment. These numbers just don’t really match up, and clearly I’m not very good at compromise.
What’s really annoying is how being a widow plays into this whole deal. I used to be awesome at decision-making. I owned my own business. I knew what I wanted for my life. When you make a multi-thousand-dollar decision, like buying a house, it seems like it should be a pretty long-term decision, and I have no idea about my future. I have no idea about a future husband, or kids, or even roommates, so trying to make those decisions is super-hard. Also, I used to have someone that I bounced all of these ideas off of, that helped me make these kind of decisions, so now when I get bogged down, I can really start to feel sorry for myself because I don’t have him to talk to about it.
In spite of all of this, I seem to be holding up pretty well. This seems like the formula for disaster: no sleep+the possibility of being homeless in 6 weeks+super busy schedule with very little recovery time=CRAZY WIDOW! But I don’t feel crazy…yet. I’ll keep you posted.