Thursday, April 14, 2011


When you are a recovering alcoholic, you have two “birthdays.”  That’s what they call the day you quit drinking.  The other one is your “belly button birthday.”  Today is Sawan’s 7th

We celebrated the 14th every year.  It was a big deal. 

I didn’t know him before.  He was already recovering when I met him.  I often wonder what he was like back then.  I’ve heard lots of stories.  Stories that make him sound really fun, and also stories that scared me to death.  I’m glad that I met him as the man that he was.  Committed to changing his life.  That commitment to his sobriety was part of what made me love him so much.

He never judged me.  I don’t have a problem with alcohol (in fact I'm so lame that lately I'd rather have a coke than a cocktail), but he never had a problem with me having a drink occasionally, either.  I was thoughtful about not keeping it around, but it was sometimes a struggle for him to watch me have a drink. 

People say things to me occasionally about what he’s doing up in heaven.  I think that most of us think that heaven is the best things of earth (I wonder how this could be true, because for him, I would argue that it couldn’t be heaven without me there…).  So people tell me that he’s up there catching 10 lb trout.  I think that he’s also driving a corvette really fast and drinking a really cold 6 pack.

Baby, I miss you today and all days.  But I’m so glad that the struggle for you is finally over. 


  1. Sorry for your pain, I understand. My story is different, but painful, too. My ex died after he divorced me and regretted it. He was bi-polar and could not get a grip on it. He died from cancer one year after remarrying someone he did not love, but was lonely. I miss him terribly and hope that you can find love again, someday. I hope for that, too. God bless. Joey

  2. left you a message that day. i hope one day we can raise a glass (of fresca) together on the 14th. funny, i always celebrate on the 13th. that was the night he called me and told me he was an alcoholic, and that he was forever done drinking. it also happens to my mother's birthday, which, as she passed away two years later in almost the same way as Sawan's mom, i thought was not a coincidence.

    his sobriety continues to be an inspiration to me, and to many other's i'm sure. and you were a big part of his inspiration... his integrity to better himself for you remains a motivation of mine to always strive to be a better man for my wife.

    salud, my bother. and salud to you, noel!