I remember saying to a girlfriend when Sawan was still alive that I loved being married but sometimes I wished that we could fall in love all over again. That I was sad that it would never again be like it was in the beginning, with everything so new and fresh. Nerves about whether he would be calling. Learning him. Hearing all of the stories. There was something so comfortable about our love, but the bathroom door always being open was also, you know, maybe a little too familiar.
The same girlfriend and I were walking in the park a few months ago and I reminded her of that conversation. Remember when I said that? Ugh. I was so stupid. Now all I want is that familiarity. All I want is to be married again. I just want to go to step 27 and not have to do all of the “learning” all over again. I want the comfort of the man in my bed every night. Of the warm body to my right. Of knowing that I always have a date, a sidekick.
I changed my mind. I am enjoying the world of possibility. I'm back out there. I am excited. I’m excited about the possibility of maybe falling in love again. I feel like I “get to” rather than “have to.” I get to fall in love all over again. I have enjoyed the nervous feeling of waiting for the man to call. This is an exciting new adventure.